Replying to a comment on:

Gaping Hole (Free verse) by sonawrote

I wish I could forget you Strip you from my mind why can’t my heart remember that I left you behind Why don’t I want to understand this wasn’t part of fate maybe it’s because you weren’t just to date I fell in love with open heart you saw into my soul you weren’t part of the plan to fill in this gaping hole so I ran from that which filled it and dug it deep again tried to cover traces with booze and drugs and then the hole was deep as ever at the bottom was my soul and I shed these tears because you use to make me whole I know it’s all my fault cause I was too afraid to believe in something better than the choices that I made and now the choices I made are swallowing my soul cause I really wanted you to fill this gaping hole.

Goad 22-Apr-05/4:31 AM
Since my comment is a double entendre, and stays, on the surface, entirely within your own metaphor, in order to parse it as a double entendre you had to first recognize that your own words were a (apparently unintentional but obvious enough that everyone I've shown this "pome" to has immediately snickered) double entendre.

That was the point of my comment.

In other words, it WAS constructive criticism and your not recognizing it as such is your own failing. It was pointing out that your poem immediately fails as a whole because of a glaringly obvious double entendre. A common pitfall, actually.

If you ever managed to get your writing to a level where real writers would consider letting you be part of a real writing workshop, you would very quickly find out that "constructive criticism" has nothing at all to do with the little wet dream you have of a group of people patting you on your back for your cleverness and stroking your metaphorical genitals in loving adoration of your brilliance.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001