| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Utensils of creation (Free verse) by Damien My utensils of creation may mean nothing when I mention,
Anything is possible if you hold the right intention,
What I am meaning to say donât get carried away,
Be a human without a label that cannot and will not decay,
And now I will write to you a guide within my self,
It may not reach you but to someone else it may be of help,
----
I will absorb this mass creation today I will find peace,
So that when I come across something it cannot backtrack me,
I will acknowledge what I found today I will not judge,
So that my mind can see the truth for everything it could,
I will let go of all the meaning today I will be free,
So I can find myself alone in my company I will receive,
I will accept enlightenment today I feel like god,
So I can share my love with all I should especially those lost,
Then will come growth like any natural process,
But if I see no improvement I will not feel hopeless,
At the end of the day there are no words to say to drastically change
your life,
Politics prove this through words they miss but there actions control
our minds.
Up the ladder:
I AM THE BEST
Down the ladder:
Dicksbymail.com
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.125
Posted: April 12, 2005 2:50 AM PDT; Last modified: April 12, 2005 2:50 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.764676 Overall Rank: 11423 Comments:
[n/a]
Damien @ 212.248.252.234
|
12-Apr-05/2:50 AM
|
Reply
Just say what you fell and understand when you judge you are destroying nothing from me
[10]
zodiac @ 212.118.19.157
> Damien
|
12-Apr-05/5:47 AM
|
Reply
What are you saying? Are you mad because somebody zeroed your poem? Um, that's called opening your poem to evaluation (on a site called poemRANKER) and that user's prerogative.
[n/a]
Damien @ 212.248.252.234
> zodiac
|
14-Apr-05/2:45 AM
|
Reply
Are you stupid, I stated this so people would feel MORE open to critisize.
[9]
Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199
> Damien
|
14-Apr-05/5:07 AM
|
Reply
Zodiac is a bit of an idiot - read his work if you want proof - ignore him, he just goes around trying to besmirch everyone's work when actually he is a bit of a dunce himself. I like this poem and certainly feel the last couple of lines are powerful. -9-
"there" in the last line should be "their". Don't put commas at the end of every line, but do put it where it belongs. And some of these lines don't make sense or are simply wrong, especially the last two. I think you might have been more interested in the rhyme instead of saying what you meant.
Thankyou for your advice but nagging at grammar is petty, I uderstand it is vital in making sense to brainiacs (how about thta for bad grammar)but it has nothing to do with writing what you feel. The subjects interlink they are not one, hope you have a good life putting people down why dont you try constructive critisism without trying to make sense. Well done and good luck
"why don't you try constructive critisism without trying to make sense"
comedy gold, right there. I hope you realize you're being a grammar nazi nazi. Or is that meta-grammar-nazi? grammar nazi squared? Since you've clearly never asked yourself this question, let me ask you: what would you say distinguishes "language" from, for example, some series of grunts and hoots a group of baboons might make when another baboon flashes their bright red ass at them (as they are wont to do)? That's right...rules. Maybe you would feel more comfortable hanging out on baboonpoetryranker.com. You can express your feelings there, with any old series of grunts and hoots, (or more to the point, any old strung together series of incomplete phrases and disjointed aphorisms) and without putting any effort into making your pomes intelligible. (I apologize for my rampant primatism)
Well done my hoot and a hay a hay and a hoot without what did we play does this catch what catch yes cath no cat see c was the letter I used. Oh yeah you cant understand hoots your right, but you would be better as a bamboon you big headed egotistic being enjoy your life and stop trying to offend.
I bet if you could construct a sentence that made sense your insults would be ace?!
Thankyou
Nagging about grammar isn't petty. Well, it's not as petty as writing a mediocre poem because you can't be bothered to do the grammar right, anyway.
Anyway, grammar has everything to do with writing what you feel. For example, by leaving "there" (instead of "their") you make the poem mean something entirely different from what you feel. It's not politician's actions that control our minds, it's just some actions... there. For another example, you don't even know what you think and communicate like a fucking cerebral-palsied, you fucking moron. You basically prove: 1) Politicians don't use life-changing words; 2) Politicians control our minds; therefore, 3) There are no life-changing words. - which is fucking idiotic. For yet another example, you can't even communicate or read well enough to know what someone commenting on your poem is saying, anyway. You think we're having some big argument about whether "the subjects interlink they are not one", whatever that means, and you're probably all pissed about it and punching walls and shit, and no one's said anything of the kind. I've said some of the lines are simply WRONG. If you wanna wrassle, try answering that, buddy. Why don't you try to make sense and stop spazzing all over the place? Hey, good luck!
Ouch obviously touched a nerve there, well why dont you stop hanging around your computer all day and get a life.
1. I dont get stressed I am on the journey into spiritual development and meditation. 2. The last two lines simply mean it is not the words you use but the actions you choose. 3. I am only 17 meaning I have many more years to grow, how long have you. 4. Being offensive over someone elses work just shows how egotistic you really are you fu*king idiot. 5. The reason these poems do not make complete sense is because I freestyle them onto paper hence grammar is but a subject I will master with time and practice. Swallow that mister.... mister..... mister......
If you genuinely wanted to master grammar, you wouldn't be so indignant when people tried to correct you on it. Either you're too thick to master grammar, or you're just too much of a freestyling maverick. Yes, that must be it.
Stop making assumptions. I truly do not care of grammar and in actual fact treat all critisism contructivley and positivley.
Don't be a fucking moron.
And stop making assumptions. For one, I spend all day sitting around a desert, not a computer; for another, it's just more fun to say "fucking moron" than other, equivalent things. If people like you touched a nerve, I would have hemorrhaged to death over poemranker months ago. 1. You couldn't spiritually develop your way out of a damp cardboard box. 2. Why didn't you say so? Cause what you've said is ridiculous. 3. I don't understand what this point's saying. Do you mean that you've almost graduated high school? I got a 1580 on the SAT; what did you get? 4. You're wrong there. Maybe it means I've just run out of non-offensive original ways of saying things. 5. Whatever. Like anyone wants to read your freestyle ramblings.
Nice try, failed misserably (sorry for spelling mistakes)
"I don't understand what this point's saying. Do you mean that you've almost graduated high school? I got a 1580 on the SAT; what did you get?"
Wow you really have got the intention to save the world!!!!!!
Why don't you name something you, Damien, would consider a standard for a successful life? For example,
BIKES: I, Damien, have a 24-speed bike. What've you got? I'll be waiting.
Actually being filthy rich so I could, and believe me or not: share my money with the world
Are you currently filthy rich? I was talking about something you actually have, or have done.
OK:
Seeken spiritual development classes attended Karate classes Read lots of self help books Practiced Nunchucks at home Practised Bokken at home Read a great book once "understanding the subconcsious" Pass the same homeless person on the way to work and give him something from the shop every time. Really this is silly. Who are we proving ourselves to.
Anyway, grammar has everything to do with writing what you feel.
For another example, you don't even know what you think and communicate like a fucking cerebral-palsied, you fucking moron Class! Of course it was!
lacks any clarity. significant grammar errors. as an exercise, next time write a poem with as much linguistic precision as you can manage. also make sure the architecture and the idea of the poem are clearly envisioned in your mind before you write. (it would therefore behoove you to avoid spontaneous composition at this time and until your technique is better developed.) your current style is terribly muddy and makes communication with the reader impossible. only digress from the above method when you are sure your foundation is sound enough to allow for the exploration of your personal style. good luck.
What the fuck do you know?
Yeah thats right what the F*ck does he know apart from the way his own thought pattern works (ha ha ha )
You are a sackfull of various clods.
My utensils of creation comprise:
A laminated guff buttock injected with tramp pellets A doily-flavoured groin-operated dwarf foetus disguised as a beardtronic ultrabum harvester An unspeakably disappointing spoon coated in vicar discharge A pneumatic fatally abnormal hobo sausage injected with vicar concentrate -10-
Wish I could turn this into something good but with not one comment about the poem you are not needed within this subject.
Laughing, hard.
I'me glad my existence is funny to you.
Yes, this is how a politician would do a poem. With hollow words, but lots of them.
222 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
