James Rykelangeli12 Apr 2005

lacks any clarity. significant grammar errors. as an exercise, next time write a poem with as much linguistic precision as you can manage. also make sure the architecture and the idea of the poem are clearly envisioned in your mind before you write. (it would therefore behoove you to avoid spontaneous composition at this time and until your technique is better developed.) your current style is terribly muddy and makes communication with the reader impossible. only digress from the above method when you are sure your foundation is sound enough to allow for the exploration of your personal style. good luck.