LilMsLadyPoet
on Amputation by Enkidu
31 Jul 2005, 7:09 AM
Giggled at this one!
I liked this one! Th ending was kind of unexpected and abrupt, though.
too keep> to keep
Coz> 'cause
Do you love me like I do> implies, Do you love me like I love me?
By all your heart> ? with all your heart?
( and, sweetie, he WILL say and promise anything and everything to get 'all of you', and in all probability he will not stand by your side forever; in fact, he may never speak to you again.)
I would change blanketing to blankets, and take out the comma after sky. Actually, I would take out all the punctuation, take out "and' and use "the flashes of light".
Sorry...this thought was Far too free for me...so disconnected...too disconnected to make sense out of.
My favorite line was>
"The flesh-covered oven hovered as I sat
And watched as they pried the g from the front of the gnat"
Although I wouldn't have used AS two times, and perhaps would have shortened the line with a word change here or there.
hmm..cathy little thing...yeah, I like it well enough. Doesn't Intellectual have two l's?
'malignant palms squeeze saturation
hieroglyphic masturbation.'
This line about graffiti is awesome! This is a strange poem, with layers that warrant repeated reads. I read it several times, and it grew on me more each time. Good job. Actually, it would make great lyrics I think!
I went to see what the links were, that Zodic posted..and yep! the 1st, 3rd, and 4th were right up there! Sorry drnick, it wasn't the worst poem ever written, but it comes close! (So, how do I vote? A high score would imply this is good? Or would imply it is the worst?) I think I will rank it for the worst...that is what my score will reflect!)
Are you at the church, near a concert you missed, or couldn't get to?...some public event you are sad you couldn't be a part of? Is this about the Hunchback of Notre Dame, when he missed the OzzieFest? This would actually be pretty good, if you told us that specifically. The beginning is great, sets the scene, paints the picture...and then we say, "Huh?" with a puzzled look on our faces.I would have given this a higher score, had you cleared up the ending.
Brittanyy...it does seem weird that you like this poem...uhm...constructive? OKAY! liljsmith87, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE PICKED UP YOUR PENCIL OR PEN OR CRAYON. This is one of the worst things I have read in...uhm, forever. Sorry, but honest.
That's not what you said.
Consider this: I am sitting about six inches from my cup of coffee. Can a line be drawn around the Earth which passes between us? Yes. An infinite number can.
Is English your native language?
Love is something I am looking out for.as for searching it in my
eyes.well you need to fly down to india for that.take care
HA HA HA,I don't know what made you send this comment to me.but if you are a writer [like me] than let me tell you this.that some
times writing is much save and easy task to do then [f....]coz
you just need to use your brains.take care
nice job- you really captured the simultaneous hope and awareness of flaws that we bring to relationships
I must say I enjoyed this read. I gave you an 8, because nobody else had.