Dovina
on Floss by jauser
2 Aug 2005, 8:16 AM
Figure out what you want to say. Then say exactly that.
Spelling errors abound, but mostly you need to refine what you want to say.
Strange how an act done in seeming rightness turns sour. Most people never forgive. They either go on pretending or they leave.
The periods seem needed because you use some periods.
"To wonder of my pedigree"??? Have you nothing more worth wondering about?
Lovely. I enjoyed your poem, it was a pleasure.
Hi,maybe you're right.
Another possible title: Mouths wide shut.
I loved the first two and last two lines.
The others kinda reminded me of the theme song from Pocahontas.
HI,I can talk and understand the language of love and peace.
take care.
Great flow. The last verse doesn't blend as well with the others. Your talking about your life in the first three verses and then you start complaining about smug people with no fashion sense and it takes away from how personal and exposing the poem is in regards to you. Make the last verse more about you and less about them. Otherwise a really good poem.
Thank you Dental Panic.
Thank you Penny.
I appreciate your concern.
it is from experience.
my mom is still alive.
I miss my uncle.
Â¥ou should be stapled to a cucumber and lukewarmed.
God spoke us into being so that some day we might return the favor.
From what I can decipher. Your lover had crabs. So you "snapped" her neck and hid her corpse in a dumpster or something somewhere downtown.
I've alerted the authorities. the Feds should be knocking on your door any second now.
The first verse is pretty good but then you get all psycho. Seems to be a trend among young male poem posters. Though you may not be either young or male for all I know.
Be better without the apostrophe.
Cool. leaves', not leaves.
Really? Why don't you talk-talk in double-double language like other Indians?
Yeah, like if you'd been watching Al Jazeera during the war, you would know that during the invasion of Baghdad Iraqi soldiers electrified the floor of Saddam Hussein Airport, killing over three thousand American soldiers at a blow. There were pictures. True story.