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More drugs. (Free verse) by darby pyn
I have an itch. it’s a permanent scab peeling at my skin I feel my fingers grab. satisfy the urge purge your reservations inhale the pollution taste the frustration. I need more drugs! with my palms squeezed tight around my uncles wrist laying on the grass in a suicide fit. only fourteen and I seen too much. I feel the blood rush through the rags I clutch. I need more drugs! for my mothers O.D. and my dads D.U. I. for my sisters rape and me not killing that guy. for my favorite aunt paralyzed from a crash. living too young and dying too fast. I need more drugs! and all you motherfuckers with your elite disapproval all you thrift store chic with nothing beneath. your no style fashion much too cool for description I got the prescription for your latest addiction and while you spin in your skin and shake that smug interaction I’ll take satisfaction then follow that action. I need more drugs!!!

Down the ladder: Spots of Gray

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.9525743
Overall Rank: 8806
Posted: July 31, 2005 11:27 PM PDT; Last modified: July 31, 2005 11:32 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] pennymarie @ 4.246.108.16 | 1-Aug-05/11:22 AM | Reply
oh I hope that you are not talking from experience.. but if you are this is very vivid and very emotional.. been there on the other side of the fit and I no it's no fun actually it's pretty scary stuff.. but well done in description!

Penny
[n/a] darby pyn @ 207.200.116.197 > pennymarie | 2-Aug-05/12:29 AM | Reply
Thank you Penny.
I appreciate your concern.

it is from experience.
my mom is still alive.
I miss my uncle.
[n/a] Dental Panic @ 84.31.86.195 | 1-Aug-05/5:20 PM | Reply
'while you spin in your skin' - best part.
[n/a] darby pyn @ 207.200.116.197 > Dental Panic | 2-Aug-05/12:30 AM | Reply
Thank you Dental Panic.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69 | 2-Aug-05/12:32 AM | Reply
Great flow. The last verse doesn't blend as well with the others. Your talking about your life in the first three verses and then you start complaining about smug people with no fashion sense and it takes away from how personal and exposing the poem is in regards to you. Make the last verse more about you and less about them. Otherwise a really good poem.
[n/a] darby pyn @ 207.200.116.197 > ALChemy | 2-Aug-05/11:47 PM | Reply
stepping back and looking at it I see your
point. I really like the last stanza but it
does'nt fit. I can't bring myself to change it though.
I don't know why. you make a valid point.
dam.
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