jauser
replying on Floss by jauser
3 Aug 2005, 12:07 AM
k
stepping back and looking at it I see your
point. I really like the last stanza but it
does'nt fit. I can't bring myself to change it though.
I don't know why. you make a valid point.
dam.
Nice work.
an honest description. 8
ha!
I not only suggest it, I impose it.
Absurd! Wonderfully Potato! Superb poem without the potatoing as well! *10*
Glorious imagery. Just great. Loved it all the way. *10*
A bit jumbled. *7*
Strange...yet handy as an all-purpose stain remover and weather-resistant wood finish. *8*
Ha! Always an uphill...what's the word? Darn it! *9*
The first stanza ruined it for me, sorry. *6*
englsih? that's ironic.
Better englsih translation and you've got a solid bedtime story here. *7*
How old are you? Are you expecting positive feedback with this load? Just use the word "fuck", nobody holds it against you. What we do hold against you is your poor spelling, rudimentary grammar, and total lack of poetic understanding. "Tragedic"? COME ON! *2*
Not too many soldiers pussy out like this, and please don't just repeat in the last stanza what you said in the first stanza. I know it's free verse, but the structuring is pitiful. *4*
Very good! I loved "before your blood congeals into hate". Could've done without the misplaced last line. *9*
It would be more intriguing if it wasn't written like it just came out of "Where the Sidewalk Ends". *7*
One of the best ending stanzas I have ever read, but the first one could use a bit of work. It makes sense, but the change in tenses and the last line-in the first stanza-is a bit grey. *9*
You know what would be awesome? If you could be technical and completely RUIN EVERYTHING...you're completely right, not choosing is a choice...I meant it to be more like, "why have the choice if you always choose to do nothing and waste away into oblivion?" However, I don't think that rhymes. I put up a new poem for you to hate so enjoy ripping that one apart too.