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Forgiveness (Free verse) by Niphredil
I beg forgiveness for what I did For strangling shrouds of innocence I used to bear you down, For two-edged swords I used to cut your feet from under you, And when I saw your bleeding stumps I could not cry. I could not meet your gaze which you could not present to me, We both stared at your feet so much; gray sneakers, white socks and untied laces As the last threads that held us together and that I'd not cut yet Unraveled and fell away. And when they were gone; nothing left, But the amputated ghost of what had been. Uprooted, wild, cobweb feelings Struggling against each other; strangling each other, Till nothing more was left but a dull throbbing void. Will you forgive me? Ever, will you? Before your blood congeals into hate, And all that rushes in to fill the void will be The last wild shrieking of the wind on the plain.

Up the ladder: Get it straight
Down the ladder: Perfect Time of Year

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.537883
Overall Rank: 2551
Posted: August 2, 2005 4:20 AM PDT; Last modified: August 2, 2005 4:20 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] Dovina @ 85.169.62.90 | 2-Aug-05/8:12 AM | Reply
Strange how an act done in seeming rightness turns sour. Most people never forgive. They either go on pretending or they leave.
[9] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.44 > Dovina | 15-May-06/11:02 PM | Reply
Dovina, I'd rather say that, first of all, most people don't ask for forgiveness, or don't want to admit their wrong and sorry. Doing this is a noble act of courage and love.

Niphredil, this is a lovely poem, and I esp like the third verse...'Struggling against each other; strangling each other,
Till nothing more was left but a dull throbbing void.'

You have quite a few good phrases here. Good work!
[9] MacFrantic @ 207.200.116.65 | 2-Aug-05/10:49 AM | Reply
Very good! I loved "before your blood congeals into hate". Could've done without the misplaced last line. *9*
[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 18-Mar-06/2:41 PM | Reply
This is great! The sort of anti-Pimple...I like the alternative viewpoint - unexpected, certainly.
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