| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
SO LONG MY BELOVED (Free verse) by prettyktm So long my beloved
I'm going to fight
A war which isn't mine
But a man has got to do
His duites you see
So save your tears
For the better time
So long my beloved
Thanks for the food
Thanks for the wine
Kiss me now,kiss me warm
'Cause they'll help me
In the winter time
And keep me alive in your heart
'Cause I don't know when I've be back
So long my beloved
Pray for me and for this time
Say a prayer for the enemies too
'Cause they're even humans
Just like me and you
And don't cry when I'm gone
Just remember this isn't my war.
Up the ladder:
Bloody Stools 'n' Butterflies
Down the ladder:
Crappy
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.2
Posted: August 2, 2005 12:37 AM PDT; Last modified: August 2, 2005 12:37 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.904638 Overall Rank: 9840 Comments:
Not too many soldiers pussy out like this, and please don't just repeat in the last stanza what you said in the first stanza. I know it's free verse, but the structuring is pitiful. *4*
HI,THANKS AND OKAY.
Hi, if you want to talk the language of love and peace, I'd say stop talking about "this isn't my war but I've gotta go cause a man's gotta do his duty and kill people who are just doing their duties and so on and so on". That's what lets wars happen. Personally, I'd pack up for Canada, see what they do when they don't have any more suckers to shoot out of their cannons.
HI,that was a good one,but as a writer I need to write on every
topic.but that doesn't mean that it have to do with my personal feelings.take care
Yes, but do you see how someone who supports wars he doesn't understand or agree with because of duty is going to read this and say 'hey, it must be okay to support wars I don't understand or agree with. I mean, it's in a poem and poetry is never wrong'?
HA HA,if we all started believeing that all the words which are
written in poetry are right and we should follow it,then why do not humans fall the poetry of love.and also don't forget the four lines in my poem which goes....'Pray for me and for the enemies too,Cause they're even humans like me and you...'
Of course not. I was being silly. And I understand wanting to write about everything, but... well, do you see the difference between the two following poems?
HAIKU #1 Farewell, I'm off to butcher baby seals. I mean, folks need sealskin coats. HAIKU #2 Off to seal-killing. Can't have folks without coats, right? I'm a stupid git. Anyway, in the first you get the idea that the guy talking is right. In the second you get the correct view (which happens to be my real view), that seal-butchering is wrong. I don't see why I'd want to write the first one and not say what I thought when it would be just as easy to write the second one and say what I thought, right? Yes, I'm exaggerating, but the same thing goes for your war poem. And no, the 'Pray for me and for the enemies too' line doesn't make up for it. That just means he knows he's killing guys just like him, who'd rather not be there, and he's doing it anyway. Why? Because he assumes, like everybody, that there's got to be war and you've got to go cause it's your duty. I disagree. If people weren't soldiers, there couldn't be war.
HI,I agreed that you have a point.But,my poem deals with a soilder,who is saying his goodbye to his beloved.and he isn't stupid to go out and fight just like that.he is been called out to fight and he knows it that his enemies is there.but since he aim to be a solider to serve his country and he knows that in this war,he will give and receive only pain and dead.but as he say's that he can't deny it 'cause his duties doesn't permit him to do so.but since he is a good solider by heart,and not a coward
to run away and let the enemies take his country.If you see.there are countries like mine [INDIA]we never start wars to take away other peoples lands,we are call the land of peace.but that does not mean that our soilders will give up and run away when enemies will attack our land.why only soliders,if tomorrow someone takes away your house or mine house by force.we won't let them do that. 179 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
war can never takes us anywhere,but when you're a solider,you also can't run away from your duties.that's the simple logic.