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Crappy (Free verse) by drnick Light rain slides down the window
Sky painted a sloppy gray
And if you fool yourself
You'll walk with smile on your face
Slimy rock and dirt your path
Not a friend along the way
You know not to kid yourself
In fear of looking lame
All you can imagine is some life
So boring, sober, sane
No need to kill yourself
If existence has gone to Frey
Sure you could rewrite the world
Would that make you happy?
And if you'd fool yourself
You'll find you became too sappy
Up the ladder:
[]
Down the ladder:
Broken Bird
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.2
Posted: October 16, 2006 11:48 PM PDT; Last modified: October 16, 2006 11:48 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.904638 Overall Rank: 9852 Comments:
Heh.
Line 5 needs punctuating, and the final rhyme is too direct - all the rest are loose/half rhymes. 'Sure you could rewrite the world' makes me think this was written about a computer programmer/serial gamer.
the final rhyme was meant to be too direct, as I thought it would be "sappy" to end that way.
the rewriting of the world line just means this person could really make a difference in the world, change things.
My point exactly. If you're a programmer, you can change anything you like within a certain world. It just happens to be the computerised possible world.
Puerile. Unamusing. Not witty. Not clever. Badly punctuated. And those are some of the better aspects.
It isn't really clear what this is about (in the poem - the commented reference makes it, if not meaningless, inconsequential).
rain sliding down the window is approximately as primitive as one can get when describing rain sliding down a window.
It's about being atheist, and how nothing is this world is all that great without the meaning that we create for it. Just as rain sliding down the window is not all that profound unless I had made it (which you pointed out i did not).
Thanks Shuushin. I canât get back to you on the deleted one, but if my world were treating me well, would I be hanging out here? I hope yours is well, but if not, pull up a chair.
Perhaps you have some advice(since that's what comments are intented for)???
you seem to keep missing the verb to be out all the time. If you see the verb to be as naughty use different verbs.
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Jesus was a pussy. I love pussy. => I love Jesus.
Jesus is God. I love God. => I love Jesus
Each of these conclusions is as good as its premise and its underlying âlove.â One is facetious, the other possibly sincere. One mocks theism the other embraces it. I am âDovinator,â you say, one who makes people like Dovina â as you wish. Allow me to Dovinate you with a question: Why did the rain slide down the window? In case you are planning to mock the question with a simple cause-and-effect one-liner, consider the causeâs cause.
Cause: The rain sliding down the window is caused by a force, particularly gravitational force. The attractive force of gravity between the earth's mass and the rain's mass is allowed to acclerate the droplet because it has a greater magnitude than that of the force of static friction in the opposite direction. The gravitational potential energy the droplet has is now transferring to kenetic and thermal energy. This is why the rain slid down the window.
Cause's Cause: I'm not sure what you mean by "cause's cause" so I'll answer both ways...#1 The gravitational force was caused by both the droplet and the earth having a non-zero mass. Without mass, there is no grav. force. #2 This question is inherantly a theological one as you are assuming there is a reason for gravitational force. For it to have a reason, it would have to benefit from it's action: attracting masses together. As of now, I know not of any benefit to any law of physics for existing. You are trying to place human qualities on something that is not human, not living, not material.
I wouldn't mock a question like that, it was a good question.
I do not hold a belief in the eternalness of the universe. I can accept it as having started at some point in time or as having been placed in eternity by God. In either case, it is God, operating on a level beyond my comprehension, in whom I believe. I donât know much about God, but I have more freedom to think about the universe and consciousness, and about my part in all this, by accepting Godâs existence, than I do by rejecting Him. That is why I said that my faith is less than yours.
The only ones without faith are agnostics. I used to be one. Youâll see from my early comments on poemranker that Iâm on a journey. To where, I donât know.