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Observation of a stupéfait (Free verse) by Dental Panic
This afternoon lightning hit my freshly filled backtooth and suddenly I understood the leaves linguistics. The woods spoke Babylonic. Admit it: you've always been aware. It was in the air. The slander in the sediment. the stylish rustling rumour, the finely veined presumption. With a superhuman crack I closed my mouth and let my tongue bleed empty. Ow, what wit.

Up the ladder: Styx
Down the ladder: Magazine Promotion

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.666667
Weighted score: 5.4370775
Overall Rank: 2989
Posted: July 31, 2005 5:01 PM PDT; Last modified: July 31, 2005 5:01 PM PDT
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Comments:
[6] Dovina @ 85.169.62.90 | 1-Aug-05/8:39 AM | Reply
Some inconsistencies in punctuation:
leaves'
spoke.
rustling.
But what are you saying?

[n/a] Dental Panic @ 84.31.86.195 > Dovina | 1-Aug-05/4:54 PM | Reply
I give you the apostrophe. Not the periods. The sentences have been cut by the stanzas. Why? Because of my breathing, I think.
As for the meaning of the poem, well, I'm afraid that if I try to explain it I'll ruin my chances of getting across what doesn't seem to make sense. If you know what I mean.
[6] Dovina @ 85.169.62.90 > Dental Panic | 2-Aug-05/8:02 AM | Reply
The periods seem needed because you use some periods.
[10] zodiac @ 212.118.19.75 | 1-Aug-05/10:37 PM | Reply
Cool. leaves', not leaves.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69 | 2-Aug-05/12:43 AM | Reply
Another possible title: Mouths wide shut.

I loved the first two and last two lines.
The others kinda reminded me of the theme song from Pocahontas.
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