Re: The End by Caducus	<~> 167.206.181.179	14-Oct-05/10:00 AM
i don't think it is. the fact that you are wishing in the next stanza implies that you are living, and i don't think you need to make the promise to. nice job, cad.
Re: Cycles In Circles - Shame by D P Robertson	Niphredil 192.115.60.89	14-Oct-05/8:59 AM
Way too long with nothing to say! I got bored well before the halfway mark. I'm not really sure what you're getting at, and the cyclic composition seems forced to me. Sorry.
Re: a comment on monday by ay deee	ay deee 204.90.50.252	14-Oct-05/7:00 AM
thank you, i'll see what i can do...
Re: Was Everyone Put On This Earth For A Reason by cabot	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	14-Oct-05/5:49 AM
We were put here to make plastic. Now that that's been done the earth has decided to exterminate us via tsunami, hurricanes and the bird flu.
Re: Creatures That Crawl To Me by D P Robertson	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	14-Oct-05/5:40 AM
See I thought the DP stood for Double Penetration.
Re: Lucky by suejonespoetry	jessicazee 205.188.116.139	14-Oct-05/1:07 AM
One more thing after reading this again --- you are a great writer, and I mean that because I heard you say this out loud; if not here in my room, but the way you say your words without backpedaling. Yeah.
Re: Lucky by suejonespoetry	jessicazee 205.188.116.139	14-Oct-05/1:04 AM
Omit the 1st 3 stanzas, they don't matter for for real writing out loud; after that, very good --- keep expressing that tough, genuine voice. Don't let your wallflower alter-ego write prefacing disclaimers for your really right-on, deadpan visions that speak for themselves. good job. 8.6
Re: Creatures That Crawl To Me by D P Robertson	jessicazee 205.188.116.139	14-Oct-05/12:52 AM
Seriously? And your name at the end? Wo. Seek help. Hee. Redeeming qualities: the line "choking in kelp" is totally excellent, as is "gather your ghosts on liquid graves". Not good ideas: repeating the word "creatures" ad nauseam (weird, but not in a good way?) and forced-feeling line breaks throughout, especially in the last stanza, which is actually focused, but over-importantly broken up for no good reason. Edit please, but still a good 7.8 for effort. Read it 3 times in fact.
Re: a new notch by oneglove	cabot 68.8.167.40	13-Oct-05/10:55 PM
great poem, check mine out
Re: Kiteflying by april fool	D P Robertson 202.138.208.72	13-Oct-05/8:34 PM
For an eight year old's first effort, all I can say it was very brave- awful but brave none the less- do you have any other interests to fill your day? David
Re: Are you my love? by Prince of Void	D P Robertson 202.138.208.72	13-Oct-05/8:29 PM
That really is a bit of dog's bollocks isn't it? From the illiterate "Finally did we loss ourselves?" that's "lose" I think, to the bog of cliches the reader finds themselves sinking in. "Where I see you are still the love couldn’t perish Let me sink in the ocean of divination and devotion" The first line sounds like Yoda after sniffing deep thoughts from a paint tin and the second is just shit. However, there are some gems sprinkled throughout this and what you need to do is focus and edit. other than that "it just divides us and it’s wearing me down" David
Re: The Finger of my Mind by sliver	some deleted user 207.200.116.65	13-Oct-05/5:33 PM
Good poem. That completes it Sliver 10 on all
Re: To My Love by sliver	some deleted user 207.200.116.65	13-Oct-05/5:32 PM
thats a huge poem! It was good. Worth a ten...and more
Re: Carry You Inside by sliver	some deleted user 207.200.116.65	13-Oct-05/5:31 PM
Wow..i never read this one--this one is great! Im your biggest fan! 10!
Re: Between Now And Then by sliver	some deleted user 207.200.116.65	13-Oct-05/5:30 PM
How come this one is so low? I LOVE this poem! Its might favorite of yours! 10
Re: 'Till Then by sliver	some deleted user 207.200.116.65	13-Oct-05/5:29 PM
-10-
Re: A heart without keys by sliver	some deleted user 207.200.116.65	13-Oct-05/5:29 PM
Here ya go sliver...Another 10
Re: All There by sliver	some deleted user 207.200.116.65	13-Oct-05/5:28 PM
Good poem. Excuse me for not giving elaborate comments. -10-
Re: Linger on by sliver	some deleted user 207.200.116.65	13-Oct-05/5:27 PM
Excellent poem.........as always, as you like to hear. -10-
Re: A life unsure by sliver	some deleted user 207.200.116.65	13-Oct-05/5:26 PM
Ok...i found talent in the family! It wasn't a lost cause... 10!~