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'Till Then (Lyric) by sliver
In my mind I'll never forget How serene she looked in a violet sleep With her head on a pillow of velvet She was just too beautiful to keep. She could have passed for an angel In her silk designer gown She always took my breath away But I couldn't stay in that town. So I whispered my broken goodby's, Afraid to disturb her slumber The salt in my tears just burned my eyes, It was the last time I'd ever see her. Deep in my heart I will never forget How serene she looked there asleep With her head on a pillow of velvet But now she's resting six feet deep. She's back with the other angels Looking down with those deep green eyes She must have heard my farewell, Her smile is there the skies. Somehow I knew she would leave, She didn't belong on this earth. But I know I'll always grieve For the angel I've loved from birth. I'll just hold her in my mind 'Till I can join her once again But for now my heart is resigned To love our son 'till then.

Down the ladder: The 80's

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 87
.. 10
.. 10
.. 02
.. 20
.. 01
.. 00
.. 13
.. 01
.. 00
.. 21

Arithmetic Mean: 7.0666666
Weighted score: 7.064784
Overall Rank: 134
Posted: September 6, 2003 5:35 PM PDT; Last modified: May 16, 2004 7:47 PM PDT
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The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:

forsaken, InWonderLand

Comments:
[10] electroman1979 @ 198.81.26.109 | 6-Sep-03/11:25 PM | Reply
incredible, good work, very emotional, write more
[10] tadpole @ 24.55.116.69 | 7-Sep-03/9:45 AM | Reply
How do you write like that! I really like how you almost trick the reader to think you are talking about something else and then leave them with a tear in their eye. . .well at least me
[n/a] sliver @ 63.189.49.95 > tadpole | 8-Sep-03/10:39 AM | Reply
Thank you Tadpole, Your response proves that I hit my mark. Much appreciated.
[5] J.B. Manning @ 129.44.35.24 | 8-Sep-03/11:22 AM | Reply
I like the message, but I want to say that it could be massaged a bit. I think you already have a good sense of the rhythm you want for this poem, but it seems a little...unedited maybe. I do like it, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to suggest some improvement because I think it's well deserved and would make this piece so much better. It has potential.

[9] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 | 17-May-04/1:32 PM | Reply
That's quite a sad little song...played mostly in minor chords I'd bet..
[10] deleted user @ 207.200.116.65 | 13-Oct-05/5:29 PM | Reply
-10-
[10] arduinn @ 203.124.2.38 | 27-Jul-06/8:13 AM | Reply
wow..
[0] Engelbert Humpalot @ 194.154.22.54 | 10-Aug-06/10:16 AM | Reply
Nicely written but a little too sentmental for me. I would have given it 9/10 except for the spelling mistake....

"Goodby" doesn't exist. The plural of goodbye is goodbyes
[10] sonawrote @ 64.12.116.66 | 24-Sep-07/8:50 PM | Reply
beautifully expressed, thank you for sharing this part of your life with all of us out here
[0] Engelbert Humpalot @ 85.211.244.15 | 8-Oct-07/6:56 AM | Reply
Sentimental and sloppy in the extreme.
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