| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
'Till Then (Lyric) by sliver In my mind I'll never forget
How serene she looked in a violet sleep
With her head on a pillow of velvet
She was just too beautiful to keep.
She could have passed for an angel
In her silk designer gown
She always took my breath away
But I couldn't stay in that town.
So I whispered my broken goodby's,
Afraid to disturb her slumber
The salt in my tears just burned my eyes,
It was the last time I'd ever see her.
Deep in my heart I will never forget
How serene she looked there asleep
With her head on a pillow of velvet
But now she's resting six feet deep.
She's back with the other angels
Looking down with those deep green eyes
She must have heard my farewell,
Her smile is there the skies.
Somehow I knew she would leave,
She didn't belong on this earth.
But I know I'll always grieve
For the angel I've loved from birth.
I'll just hold her in my mind
'Till I can join her once again
But for now my heart is resigned
To love our son 'till then.
Up the ladder:
Give me a goal
Down the ladder:
glimpse
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.83871
Posted: September 6, 2003 5:35 PM PDT; Last modified: May 16, 2004 7:47 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.8370347 Overall Rank: 326 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[10]
electroman1979 @ 198.81.26.109
|
6-Sep-03/11:25 PM
|
Reply
incredible, good work, very emotional, write more
How do you write like that! I really like how you almost trick the reader to think you are talking about something else and then leave them with a tear in their eye. . .well at least me
Thank you Tadpole, Your response proves that I hit my mark. Much appreciated.
I like the message, but I want to say that it could be massaged a bit. I think you already have a good sense of the rhythm you want for this poem, but it seems a little...unedited maybe. I do like it, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to suggest some improvement because I think it's well deserved and would make this piece so much better. It has potential.
That's quite a sad little song...played mostly in minor chords I'd bet..
-10-
wow..
Nicely written but a little too sentmental for me. I would have given it 9/10 except for the spelling mistake....
"Goodby" doesn't exist. The plural of goodbye is goodbyes
beautifully expressed, thank you for sharing this part of your life with all of us out here
Sentimental and sloppy in the extreme.
542 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
