Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Are you my love? (Free verse) by Prince of Void
Are you my love? Is it wonderful to know? All the dreams All the dreams Could end in my selfishness But my mind is happy Need to learn to let it go I know you meant a world to me But since you have been changed I’ve been lost inside Tried and failed as my tears fell down And I wish you could see the love in my eyes The best memories we had Burying me in thousand times of agony Frozen alive in the coldness of a frozen heart But what’ else could I say? Since everything has gone wrong Seems there is no one there Unspeakably disillusioned within despairs Shall I rise like sea again? Shall I be range against dying light? Finally did we loss ourselves? The love that death has no dominion The love never been lost But it just divides us And it’s wearing me down And it’s keeping me captivated And it’s keeping me fascinated Now to find it out Where I see You are still the love couldn’t perish Let me sink in the ocean of divination and devotion Where are you when I die to see you? Your are my dream Your are my love This poem is dedicated to the beloved {bohemian_empress}

Down the ladder: Time

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 2.5
Weighted score: 4.7019925
Overall Rank: 12006
Posted: September 25, 2005 3:03 PM PDT; Last modified: September 25, 2005 3:03 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[3] Tintagiles @ 142.166.239.46 | 25-Sep-05/8:10 PM | Reply
It seems to be missing the occasional 'that' and 'the'.
[n/a] cabot @ 68.8.167.40 | 13-Oct-05/3:46 PM | Reply
its a good poem. i like it because i can relate to it. nice job
[2] D P Robertson @ 202.138.208.72 | 13-Oct-05/8:29 PM | Reply
That really is a bit of dog's bollocks isn't it? From the illiterate "Finally did we loss ourselves?" that's "lose" I think, to the bog of cliches the reader finds themselves sinking in.

"Where I see you are still the love couldn’t perish
Let me sink in the ocean of divination and devotion"

The first line sounds like Yoda after sniffing deep thoughts from a paint tin and the second is just shit. However, there are some gems sprinkled throughout this and what you need to do is focus and edit. other than that

"it just divides us and it’s wearing me down"

David

220 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001