Re: a comment on Revised Dream (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	Wakeboarder20 67.183.58.112	24-Feb-06/10:06 AM
I've revised it some. I doubt this will be my final revision because this is about my tenth revision so far. I would just like to know if you feel I'm going in the right direction. Thank you.
Re: a comment on Darker Days by oneglove	oneglove 24.107.19.240	24-Feb-06/7:50 AM
yeah, i agree with you. the line is from lifestyles of the rich and famous, i put it there for unexplainable reasons. i was just having funw ith it but youre right, it takes a way from the poem. i'll get around to changing it but not right now.
Re: Beauty, sleeping by Ranger	smoofle 88.106.175.245	24-Feb-06/7:16 AM
This is still my favourite of your early stuff...
Re: The Struggling Poet's Lament by Ranger	smoofle 88.106.175.245	24-Feb-06/7:13 AM
I love it - but I think it needs tweaking, then I'll love it more. xxx
Re: Hailing Miriam by Ranger	smoofle 88.106.175.245	24-Feb-06/7:12 AM
You'll get a 10 from me when you change the Lorelei line, Craigus. xxx
Re: You Sang To Me In A Cathedral Chamber by Ranger	smoofle 88.106.175.245	24-Feb-06/7:08 AM
Mwahahahah! Archie! I'm here! Also... I'm so damn proud this poem is about me. Love you always xxx
Re: a comment on On Looking Back by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Feb-06/6:33 AM
"I once had a friend dressed in black" That wasn't so painful now, was it :p
Re: Darker Days by oneglove	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Feb-06/6:29 AM
Crikey, where do I begin with this one? I really like this poem, the first and last stanzas shine very brightly for me. 'Caviar dreams' I swear I've seen before, which is a bit of a shame as it detracts slightly from the overall originality of the piece. The same applies to 'bleeding skies'; in my opinion the second stanza could do with a reworking to bring it to the standard of the other two. The final stanza is fantastic, perhaps 'I love you' should be in quote marks? 'Twin sapphires set in snow/Look like a murder scene'. 8 for now, with a rework of stanza two this will be at least a nine.
Re: Revised Dream (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Feb-06/6:01 AM
Okay, I like the idea at the core of this - positive poems are getting rarer by the day. However, when you get into the description it is very cliched and - dare I say it - lacking in a bit of imagination. As some advance warning, the 'love/above' rhyme is certain to lose you marks here (it is possible the most used phrase in the world of poetry, although run close by 'hate/fate'). Also, 'fields of love' really doesn't work. Although I know in a way what you're saying, it's totally nonsensical. Have a listen to 'Fields of Gold' (by the Police, just in case you haven't heard it) for an example of mastery of this sort of imagery. Essentially what I am trying to say here is that this poem will be very good if you can make it original. Read a lot of poetry on here and note all the recurring phrases/rhymes/images. Then avoid them like the plague. Your imagination will do the rest. I look forward to seeing any revisions of this.
Re: a comment on You by terbenaw	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Feb-06/5:33 AM
Okay, I see you've changed 'velvety' now, I think it works better. Did you alter anything else? Now, you evidently want other people to comment/critique this, but I've had a look at your profile, and if the comment count includes comments on your own works (which I think it does), you've only made 5 comments on poems not by you. If you want others to make the effort on your poems, you have to first give them some feedback - even if it's just to say whether you liked/disliked their poems and why. You don't need to give a full-on analysis of a poem in order for the writer to appreciate you spending the time to look at their work. Right, I'm giving this an 8 because it has some very nice passages and is pretty well structured. I still don't like 'phosphorescent', but I'm sure not everyone will agree with me there. Peace
Re: a comment on Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	23-Feb-06/6:27 PM
You're always welcome to blah blah on my poems as much as you like. Your critiques are among my favorites. "Who hasn't learned/that what is earned/might not be rewarded/but if forwarded [?]/may not come on schedule" is not a question but a description of the "fool" in stanza two. Unless your question is what do I mean by "forwarded". I just mean sent or given by that. As far as nature vs one man's peace of mind: If one man hates the sight of the moon should the moon be destroyed? "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy" Nature is far greater in scale than one man's needs. Since nature consists of the many, the one is always out numbered. The chalice/palace represents riches and divinity. "He's so focused on the chalice/palace -he might miss what he's won through his own efforts" is right on the mark. The needs of nature is the answer to why his needs aren't all fulfilled and so he should appreciate and seize the gifts and oppertunities that are given to him and not dwell too much on what he didn't get.
Re: Edges by Blue Magpie	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	23-Feb-06/3:13 PM
I absolutely LOVE the beginning of this - the first two lines especially. You could make it tight with the examples and less attempt on the rhyme ~ this could be a beauty.
Re: How Well I See by Blue Magpie	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	23-Feb-06/3:06 PM
For some reason, the Villanelle form scares the daylights out of me to attempt, but your poem flowed well and the repetition formed a circle around the meaning. Enjoyed and might inspire me to give the form a try!
Re: The Acorn Daisies by MacFrantic	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	23-Feb-06/2:44 PM
Written in the harsh climate of beauty. Enjoyed this very much!
Re: a comment on Iron Sky by MacFrantic	MacFrantic 204.98.2.23	23-Feb-06/1:42 PM
Actually, I was refering to satirist Neal Pollack. The lack of commas is intentional. Also, "burden of her foil" is taken in a figurative sense, hence her cursing the sky.
Re: a comment on First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	nentwined 68.232.253.122	23-Feb-06/11:58 AM
Actually, everything should just work now. You may need to log out and log back in. If you can't log out, try clearing your poemranker cookie.
Re: a comment on First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	nentwined 68.232.253.122	23-Feb-06/11:45 AM
The issues that were printed are still being sold, I believe -- http://nfg.ca/ -- but they're not doing any more. I had a parting of ways with them. On the other hand, I've got a new magazine that's going to open to submissions come July. Account info to come via email.
Re: a comment on The Mirror by TLRufener	TLRufener 140.146.216.76	23-Feb-06/11:44 AM
I wrote this poem angered by mother once again ruining my weekend plans. The reflection is a metaphore for her always being there critisizing me.
Re: a comment on Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac	zodiac 209.193.9.135	23-Feb-06/11:26 AM
Well, say context should be self-contained. When I write I find myself ballooning out-of-control out of the situation I've set out to describe. I wrote this as kind of my determination to not do that so much. re "dessert": yes. That's unconscionable. Maybe I should get away from the computer for a bit. It seems to be eating brain cells.
Re: a comment on First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	Been Here Before 67.40.152.90	23-Feb-06/11:23 AM
Thank you. This elliminates the "it" and I believe keeps the poem a little more to form. See what you think.