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The Acorn Daisies (Free verse) by MacFrantic
There, a spanning field, and here, brown flowers bloom: light, crisp, cold; drenched in April rain. These woeful acorn daisies. Far from kindling homes, where dead flowers dream in blues and greens. Where the grass twists up into knotted figurines: ugly, organic idols that mock the mottled earth. Yes, they come to pieces in our calloused hands, and crumble in the warming wind, but here they float like kisses, suffering the last days of Spring.

Up the ladder: Northern lights

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.7777777
Weighted score: 6.388889
Overall Rank: 800
Posted: February 8, 2006 9:32 PM PST; Last modified: February 8, 2006 9:32 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 9-Feb-06/6:21 AM | Reply
The rhyme in the middle is good but it makes that section sweep by much faster than the rest; if I were you I'd keep a constant speed with this piece as it isn't particularly long. Other than that, very good!
[9] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 | 9-Feb-06/3:16 PM | Reply
excellent
[n/a] god'swife @ 71.103.98.44 | 9-Feb-06/7:53 PM | Reply
The last two lines are excellent. I have to think about the rest. What's 'kindling homes'?
[7] Zoetrope @ 172.153.211.78 | 9-Feb-06/10:45 PM | Reply
Not sure I know what "acorn daisies" are, but this is pretty good. Like the last couple of lines, especially.
[n/a] MacFrantic @ 207.200.116.66 > Zoetrope | 10-Feb-06/6:59 AM | Reply
Their not real, and thank you.
[n/a] MacFrantic @ 172.199.126.156 | 10-Feb-06/3:47 PM | Reply
oops, *they're*, goddamn it
[8] Glasseyez @ 204.49.132.47 | 11-Feb-06/9:14 PM | Reply
Its a nice piece of work, I havent heard the word mottled used in a while. 8
[9] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.37 | 13-Feb-06/10:40 AM | Reply
Mc.Frantic, this is pretty good. But, I would also rather prefer a definite rhythm. Would enhance the beauty of what you've pictured.
[9] Scarlett @ 66.210.233.6 | 23-Feb-06/2:44 PM | Reply
Written in the harsh climate of beauty. Enjoyed this very much!
[10] horus8 @ 24.126.116.245 | 27-Feb-06/3:34 PM | Reply
ewee.
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