Re: Wish I was there... by amanda_dcosta	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	13-Feb-11/12:33 AM
this belongs on a hallmark card. it feels like you could use some minor tweaking in the language, but for what it is, i think it's pretty good.
Re: Best friends by amanda_dcosta	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	13-Feb-11/12:27 AM
i have technical issues with this, but i can't even bring myself to voice them. it's just really sweet.
Re: a comment on Freedom by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 82.178.135.230	13-Feb-11/12:04 AM
Thank you for your vote and critique. Much appreciated. :) The phrases / words that you chose to mention were written specifically for each line. Each verse follows the imagery of 'being free' from some sort of bondage or clutch. In the first verse it is - 'free from heavy chains', 2nd verse - to escape 3rd verse - spirit held tight in grip (can be interpreted in many ways)indicating a need to be free 4th verse - unlock door of cell / bell's ring of freedom 5th verse - breathe in freedom; free from suffocation of emotional or depressive struggles 6th verse - 'to roam' signifying being free Every verse reflects the title and theme of the poem and hence these specific words were chosen. However, I will give it a second thought to what could be better than despair, although I do not find your suggestions fitting in with the theme. All the same, will think it over. Thanks for the review. :)
Re: Jerusalem the Golden by rabbi sammy schtupp	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/11:43 PM
is this intended to be ironic? it's not a bad piece, but i think you may have been trying for a clearer and more biting message.
Re: wishlist by versus_u	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/11:40 PM
squeeze what back in?
Re: dictates of whose travel agency? by A. Nomaly	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/11:39 PM
i wonder how many people miss the point of this. conversational tone, stripped to the bone. in its own way, this works.
Re: Beslan by Ranger	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/11:35 PM
absolutely beautiful, wish i had been around when you posted it. love the interplay between musical and religious themes and the horror of the real life event.
Re: Freedom by amanda_dcosta	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/11:27 PM
i like a lot of this, but there are a few blips that i think don't work. "held tight in grip" is clunky, you can word it a bit better. "despair" sounds cliche. disrepair? roadside flare? dining room chair? almost anything would be better there than despair. a good effort though, at a difficult form.
Re: (untitled) by A. Nomaly	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/11:19 PM
the tone and voice are polished. i like this even better than the other one. i may be mistaken but i think you meant either latched or leashed rather than lashed. otherwise top notch.
Re: That man looks so familiar by A. Nomaly	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/11:12 PM
very sensory, i like it. first line is a bit incongruent with the rest, and so is the middle line. what effect were you going for?
Re: My Brain by T. Jonathron Remp	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/11:06 PM
interesting! if you start with circus of circuits and remove "of slime. everlasting," it'd be a damnfine haiku.
Re: Thanks by Dan garcia-Black	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/11:01 PM
heh, brown noser.
Re: Self-Inflicted Wounds by wilco	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/10:32 PM
a lot of religious images here. is there something more personal to your own experience that would add meaning?
Re: Mornings by alvinb	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/10:27 PM
there's a bit of ambivalence about the topic. if this is not about suicide, it may be more interesting than it initially appears.
Re: tree in a flood by Skamper	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/10:22 PM
it's got a good skeleton but it's a bit flabby. one verb is worth ten adjectives and adverbs. this is how i read it: "i feel your caresses, blown, sending tingles with rivulets. i awake, intensify, bend, stretch, accommodate. i am peaking, fulfilled. you're rushing. i am satisfied, saturated. your hunger magnifies, breaking pieces, caresses and kisses, lashings and torrents. you are raging, i am subdued, swayings and rustlings, thrashings, anchored. i give. i am.
Re: a comment on Late Song by nypoet22	nypoet22 65.34.245.31	12-Feb-11/10:04 PM
It's a Lyric; different forms have different requirements for such things. I'd be happy to accept criticism that's constructive, but that wasn't. Doctor, heal thyself! ;)
Re: a comment on Self-Inflicted Wounds by wilco	wilco 166.216.130.71	12-Feb-11/8:28 PM
Hey go easy...I havent written anything in like five years.
Re: That man looks so familiar by A. Nomaly	Dovina 208.127.228.72	12-Feb-11/8:13 PM
best in the last ten posted :)
Re: My Brain by T. Jonathron Remp	Dovina 208.127.228.72	12-Feb-11/8:12 PM
hehe
Re: Self-Inflicted Wounds by wilco	Dovina 208.127.228.72	12-Feb-11/8:11 PM
You used to be better than this. What the hell's gone wrong?