Re: Drowning by wilco	MacFrantic 129.82.152.112	1-Feb-07/8:00 PM
Hey! I have a poem with the same title. But this is totally different, and enjoyable. Well written, in fact. Loved "So I’ll just wrap myself in another cliché of cheap bourbon and unlit cigarettes." Also, S3's "your" should be "you're"
Re: Drowning by wilco	wilco 75.65.25.8	1-Feb-07/7:57 PM
OK, so I'm doing this thing for Fawm.org where you're supposed to write 14 songs in 28 days. This is the first one and I figured I might as well post it here too. I should have a demo up at some point if anyone cares to hear it.
Re: Me by berdabear	MacFrantic 129.82.152.112	1-Feb-07/7:56 PM
Wonderful confession from 7th grader to 7th grader. Bravo!
Re: i am probably on my 7th shot of vodka by tralala42001	MacFrantic 129.82.152.112	1-Feb-07/7:55 PM
ugh...not your best. if you had read this, you probably would have made it more interesting in revision. if you did read it...why didn't you delete it?
Re: i don't recall the last 8 minutes by tralala42001	MacFrantic 129.82.152.112	1-Feb-07/7:52 PM
the first two lines are kind of useless. However, it winds down well.
Re: Weep In Me by blueyes	MacFrantic 129.82.152.112	1-Feb-07/7:51 PM
I like the last stanza, but isn't subtle enough.
Re: The Crossing by Hillarystep	MacFrantic 129.82.152.112	1-Feb-07/7:49 PM
Apart from how showy and verbose this poem is, it is EXTREMELY well written and re-readable.
Re: Pre Dance Jitters by Butterflywriter	MacFrantic 129.82.152.112	1-Feb-07/7:47 PM
Could be better. I'm really not a fan of this simplistic image structure that takes so many lines to say very little.
Re: He doesn't love me by tuthaliash	MacFrantic 129.82.152.112	1-Feb-07/7:44 PM
This is perfectly concise. Good suicide note.
Re: Coming Back by x311	MacFrantic 129.82.153.13	1-Feb-07/7:40 PM
This poem seems to echo delusion throughout. I hope that was your intent, if not...this isn't very good.
Re: Tunnel Vision by x311	MacFrantic 129.82.153.13	1-Feb-07/7:39 PM
the lack of definition is a little irksome, but aside from that, the tone is clear. I liked it.
Re: LOVES ME NOT~NOBM by Radiation	pete 62.56.56.216	1-Feb-07/6:19 AM
take no notice, you can only get better; this is far superior to your earlier effort
Re: Out of this crowd a mistress or a friend by Prince of Void	Dovina 208.127.72.168	31-Jan-07/9:48 PM
I thought life was ok; now I'm depressed. Thanks, even the cold rain outside will feel better.
Re: a comment on Alternatives by Dovina	Dovina 208.127.72.168	31-Jan-07/9:25 PM
Is it because I'm beautiful, provocative conversationalist, lovable humanitarian, or irresistible logician? You decide, and step right in, let your hair down.
Re: a comment on Alternatives by Dovina	Dovina 208.127.72.168	31-Jan-07/9:14 PM
I know as much about this war as Bill Bryson knows about topography and the measurement of mountains. I’m reading his Short History of Nearly Everything and chuckle at his depiction of Charles Hutton “inventing contours.” It’s the difference between a good writer of generalities and the subject of a specialist. In the current discussion, I wear a lesser hat than Bill and spout generalities of less accuracy on a complicated issue. I failed to open my discourse with some implication of Bush as a bloated idiot, and failed again by not pointing out the war’s sordid history. Then I failed to post a poem having metaphor, image, clever wording . . . . Without these openings, any suggestions regarding courses of action in the war fall on ears of ire. Oh, I tingle with the last verse of my ditty, but the first two are just spouting. My little learning about what I’m calling the Islamic mindset, referring to the common people of Iraq, comes mostly from a Bengali Muslim who thinks America’s greatest failing in Iraq is our resistance to taking their mindset seriously—the old “know your enemy” maxim. If my uninformed support for technology as our “best hope” raises eyebrows, then my only sacrifice to the cause is a little ridicule. I wish a greater sacrifice for the folks with knowledge and brains—hard work and risk of their jobs. And for the soldiers who are buying them time, I wish fewer losses. Anybody out there, Q-cleared, with a clue on the whereabouts of Weber’s magic bullets of Der Freischutz, the kind that hit whatever you shoot at, Go for it and forget the bosses! You’re our best hope.
Re: The meaning of Love by The Slender Blade	nentwined 76.167.62.172	31-Jan-07/8:23 PM
Wow. That really hurts. Well done?
Re: Potential by Christof	Dr Peter Douglas 80.225.118.10	31-Jan-07/3:45 PM
I like this a lot, ten out ten lets write again!!
Re: a comment on Celebrity by horus8	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 75.214.105.223	31-Jan-07/3:05 PM
The really annoying thing is that on closer inspection, the vest looks nothing like the one he wore in the film. If it were genuine, it would be a bullshit piece of memorabilia. Given that it's not genuine, it's so bullshit that even its bullshit is bullshit.
Re: a comment on Celebrity by horus8	horus8 66.47.195.202	31-Jan-07/2:57 PM
good one.
Re: sleep by nentwined	nentwined 76.167.62.172	31-Jan-07/11:17 AM
test