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Tunnel Vision (Free verse) by x311
Eye to eye, will against will I can see inside of you One thing you still pursue With the knowledge you possess You could take it, hurt me A knife jutting from my spine Your eyes scream it out Use her to bend me, break me As I leave her side the creeping begins Slowly, so slowly you slither closer Defenseless, unaware -- teeth flash With one bite, pain would rain down Hurting her and crushing me This one sly move and you win I'd be double-crossed, she'd be scarred So simple -- loss not an option ...except I can see your eyes "I will take your only love, your treasure I will spite you, let you grow with wrath Watch as it consumes you, then fall" How you seem to vex me Everything in the world is at your fingertips Yet you choose this one to task me What you fail to see is this Success is not within your grasp You see a shining moment of glory That will become your day of demise She is not yours to take, to have Just as she is not mine She is free Free from your treachery So I say try, I implore you For we will stand above you As you cower on your knees

Down the ladder: Nocturne

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.865529
Overall Rank: 10335
Posted: August 31, 2002 8:00 AM PDT; Last modified: August 31, 2002 8:00 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] vulcan @ 80.242.3.181 | 31-Aug-02/8:17 AM | Reply
A powerful piece!7
[n/a] vulcan @ 80.242.3.181 | 31-Aug-02/8:22 AM | Reply
I read your "crying beside a lake"
your style has a moving force.my friends have gone too far.poem is in some parts confused,but never0!5.
[n/a] vulcan @ 80.242.3.181 | 31-Aug-02/8:26 AM | Reply
Sorry x311!bother you too much.in your "Guide me"you are at your best.9
[7] Frass @ 138.88.157.205 | 31-Aug-02/7:14 PM | Reply
Your voice has created an insistent presence on this site with this poem, x311. The poem makes me wonder about the past of the protagonist/antagonist. I could see this as a lead in, in italics, to a short story that starts...18 months ago....in a little cafe in Santa Fe....
[n/a] x311 @ | 1-Sep-02/8:15 AM | Reply
Thanks both of you guys for actually taking interest in something I wrote. Most of the people on this site just rip people to shreds for no reason. I would also like to tell both of you that I enjoy your works very much. Thanks guys
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 1-Sep-02/12:12 PM | Reply
i can think of many reasons, many???
[7] MacFrantic @ 129.82.153.13 | 1-Feb-07/7:39 PM | Reply
the lack of definition is a little irksome, but aside from that, the tone is clear. I liked it.
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