Re: Flowers by Dovina	richa 81.179.135.216	5-Feb-07/3:08 PM
Lupine being an American variant on lupin. I double taked at that, I mean if someone said they had brought a wild lupine to my door I would have expected a wolf. The first verse is a terrible cliche.
Re: Tea,One Night Stands and Smores by Bethy	richa 81.179.135.216	5-Feb-07/3:02 PM
I liked this bit: 'honey, was my need./He handed me sugar,/his number,more tea. That he was called Jeff amused me forced rhyme?
Re: David at the Firing by coldiron	richa 81.179.135.216	5-Feb-07/2:57 PM
The first verse-- dear God. The embdashes from then on are utterly misused (the one after shaping is ok at a push). The ending is too abrupt. Having said that I like the idea that they put his ashes in a pot he was shaping because he died at a potter's wheel. I would go for more descriptive language for how the pot is being raised.
Re: a comment on Edna's Christmas Farewell by Edna Sweetlove	SupremeDreamer 66.206.163.6	5-Feb-07/1:34 PM
Shithead, asshat, are the better terms. More mature, less manure, fuckwad.
Re: a comment on Tea,One Night Stands and Smores by Bethy	Bethy 165.154.46.172	5-Feb-07/10:12 AM
Thank you Ranger...how sweet of you...have a nice day :) Bethy
Re: Tea,One Night Stands and Smores by Bethy	Ranger 81.103.124.179	5-Feb-07/7:40 AM
Sweet, good rhythm too
Re: Flowers by Dovina	Bethy 165.154.46.157	5-Feb-07/7:17 AM
Hello my friend...once again a great entry...its time for me to throw out all my dried flowers from my dates of days gone by...lol :) Bethy
Re: a comment on Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	Ranger 81.103.124.179	5-Feb-07/1:43 AM
Everyone's saying 'Asshat' these days. Best word ever!
Re: Fuck Shelters, & fuck OutReach Court. by SupremeDreamer	Ranger 81.103.124.179	5-Feb-07/1:35 AM
"just because my associate happens to be psychologically challenged with retarded glee, and 'cause my fashion sense is rather shabby..." ...is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Although you used 'glee' earlier in the piece, not that I'm complaining or anything.
Re: Flowers by Dovina	Ranger 81.103.124.179	5-Feb-07/1:31 AM
The last stanza is good, I don't much care for 'given from the heart' though. Is the opening verse yours?
Re: a comment on Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	4-Feb-07/2:08 PM
Main Entry: 4plane Function: noun Etymology: Latin planum, from neuter of planus level Date: 1571 1 a: a surface in which if any two points are chosen a straight line joining them lies wholly in that surface b: a flat or level surface 2: a level of existence, consciousness, or development <on the intellectual plane> 3 a: one of the main supporting surfaces of an airplane b[by shortening] : airplane Now, 2: a level of existence, consciousness, or development <on the intellectual plane> Is that which we fucking intended. Asshat.
Re: a comment on Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	4-Feb-07/2:04 PM
So fucking what? So you took them out of my damn poem and used the bloody fucking dictionary and constructed a rather silly reply. Here, have a bloody blue comment ribbon. Do you read the Signs in your Mind?
Re: Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	3-Feb-07/12:28 PM
So, Edna, who is the anonymous admirer? That's what I'd like to know. And as for sweet, you appear quite bitter, M'lady. Lack of love perhaps? Or an overabundance of self-love? Lack-a-day! Who can say? Still it perplexes me.
Re: a comment on Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove	xxx 67.172.190.253	3-Feb-07/9:00 AM
I think you did and left quite a stinking, sticky mess on the floor.
Re: Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.218.65	3-Feb-07/8:29 AM
I just read this through again. Fantastic. I think I'd give myself if I could.
Re: a comment on David at the Firing by coldiron	Dovina 75.54.152.214	2-Feb-07/1:38 PM
I would not have got it from the poem. That's a bad thing. Suggest shaping the image a while longer on the wheel.
Re: Drowning by wilco	Dovina 75.54.152.214	2-Feb-07/1:30 PM
Yeah, I get the first line - probably not the way you get it, but doesn't matter. Same for last line of S3. You've got some way to go before you get over saying the first line of S6.
Re: David at the Firing by coldiron	coldiron 71.109.28.85	2-Feb-07/10:50 AM
this poem was inspired by the accidental death of a 20 year old potter.
Re: Illumination by MacFrantic	wilco 75.65.25.8	1-Feb-07/8:04 PM
I like this except for the middle stanza. That seems really forced to make the rhymes.
Re: a comment on Drowning by wilco	wilco 75.65.25.8	1-Feb-07/8:01 PM
You're right. It should be...typographical error and all that..you know..