some deleted user
on OK, I apologize - it's steaming shite and no mistake, but it was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I'm off to slit my wrists now, since writer's block has sent me spiralling into the depths of the deepest depression in human history... by Yardbird
3 Aug 2004, 11:02 AM
I wish my writers block was this good. 10.
some deleted user
replying on Okay, so it doesn't actually work, it's still shit-funny... by Yardbird
3 Aug 2004, 10:59 AM
Hell, in that case you get a 1,111,111!
I was trying to use glasses as a metaphor for consciousness or awareness.
This person is suppose to not have a grip on reality, the right eye that's "far less" is suppose to signify a lack of morals, the left eye that's misshapen is suppose to represent the action of immorality.
Sort of like that person that thinks someone loves them, even though they find another person's undergarments in the bed or a person that convinces themselves that a 9-5 job answering the phone is fulfilling...simply because it pays the bills.
I was trying to tie in the whole unreliable narrator, symbolism type thing, ok, but apparently I failed...
If you have to explain it, I guess it needs a rewrite.
This is good, but what are Cylindrical Errs? The last verse seems superfluous.
some deleted user
on In the Waiting Room by Elizabeth Bishop by Princess_Snowflake
3 Aug 2004, 10:47 AM
How in the hell is this a limerick?
Quite good, really, except for the last line, which because I'm accused of being a prude, I will say doesn't fit here.
I like this quite a bit. Try a line break after "Sharon." Falling for roses and stabbed with barbs is quite nice, reqlly, and recognized.
-=Dark_Angel=- with or without P.I. embodied.
"waiting to be wished upon."
Cute.
The juvenile innocence conveyed by the writing is definitely cute and amplifies the subject matter. The blaring spelling errors though are just a little too much to give it that Toys r' Us backwards R quality which may have made it too juvenile anyway.
You don't like glasses because they let you see too much.
Of course.
may I take a shot?
I'd like to see the rythm a bit smoother. I like this.
The only way to "kill" a dead man is by sending him to Hell for an eternity of time!
Thanks!
You intrigue me, feline. Some help.
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i
Thanks, Cat. Thanks for the nice compliment!
I understand....and thanks again.