electroman1979
on The Finger of my Mind by sliver
16 Aug 2004, 9:21 PM
i liked -8-
*8* ^^ i likey
Punctuation, 0
regret, 6
continuity, 2 {of again and shadows}?
intensity 8.
rewrite. total 6
Seems to stop. abruptly. once too many, times. rewrite.
Keep writing about writing,
Have fat women sing,
If the waiters must come
Have them bring more bling bling
Ya know, I'd like to give this a zero, not because I don't like it, but for the 0's you've given me .. on better things. still, I think the o's are for others to come, but not from me.
Another very nice one!
^^ hah funnny *8*
^^ *9* i like this very much! GOOD JOB
Imagery reminiscent of Sandburg? Are you a sandburger? -9-
An interesting comparison, poetically good, and perhaps statistically accurate. 600 light bulbs per person in LA? Do I commit murder with every downward flip of a switch?
*10* ^^ I understand it Rainy, You still have feelings for Adam, But your in love with Josh, .. you still like Adam, because love doesnt just fade away...I understand..wow mircale..hehe ^^
Relocation? a well thought piece. enjoy those nocturnal ramblings my friend.
Life, yet again, in the fold. yes?
And no man has the power.
Get it right squeek.
Mayby I should include a prayer eh?
Damn caity, wasn't worth it at all, was it?
Readit again, out loud, maybe three times.
By the way, I meant the relationship, not the poem.
"How about the little blue pill of the protracted night?" JK
To me the center of the poem is:
"And I awaken to the dim hum
of my room's quiet seclusion,
And wonder where she sleeps tonight,
Wonder why our eager joining went so wrong,
Wonder if her delicate sweetness was ever given for free?"
It's never free, but it can sometimes be reasonable. -9-
To lose one's wealth is sad indeed,
To lose one's health is more.
But to lose one's soul is such a loss;
That man can restore.
The present only is our own,
To live love, and toil,
With God's will
Place no faith in tomorrow,
For the clock may then be still.
"I still think it's one of my bests."
There you go thinking again.