cabot
on some deleted poem
13 Oct 2005, 4:47 PM
great poem
Here ya go sliver...Another 10
-10-
How come this one is so low? I LOVE this poem! Its might favorite of yours!
10
Wow..i never read this one--this one is great! Im your biggest fan! 10!
thats a huge poem! It was good. Worth a ten...and more
Good poem.
That completes it Sliver
10 on all
sitting with darkness
talking to sadness
holding emptiness
caressing hoplessness
feeling placeless
dying in the bed of forgetfulness
OK...so why did you say I gave you a zero when imnotgoodatpoetry did???? Whats up with that Sliver? I GAVE you a ten....
Here's the ten you wanted
Yippeee sliver--excellent poem. I thought it was fabulous...so i gave you a TEN.......i am putting ten in caps just to make sure you don't mistaken it for a 0!
Here is another 10.
Ok...i found talent in the family! It wasn't a lost cause...
10!~
great poem
You are the test vote- I have commeneted on this in another world and found it to be wonderful then- it is still wonderful. The images are an object lesson in great writing
David
I probably could have given you more but fuck it- start low and build
That really is a bit of dog's bollocks isn't it? From the illiterate "Finally did we loss ourselves?" that's "lose" I think, to the bog of cliches the reader finds themselves sinking in.
"Where I see you are still the love couldnât perish
Let me sink in the ocean of divination and devotion"
The first line sounds like Yoda after sniffing deep thoughts from a paint tin and the second is just shit. However, there are some gems sprinkled throughout this and what you need to do is focus and edit. other than that
"it just divides us and itâs wearing me down"
David
For an eight year old's first effort, all I can say it was very brave- awful but brave none the less- do you have any other interests to fill your day?
David