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In the aspens (Free verse) by sliver .
In a stand of aspens
We print poetry
Mocking mother nature
With silent souls
we shout weaknesses
Previously unparalleled
As honey and dew drips
quietly from silent tongues
Leaves of every color litter the ground
Still, unaware of our surroundings
We unwittingly spit on the history
Of souls stained like ours
Straining against powers
We could never comprehend
Still silent
In this peaceful mountain land
Up the ladder:
Planting a Stake
Down the ladder:
Boy with the wooden gun
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Posted: April 28, 2005 12:06 PM PDT; Last modified: May 26, 2005 9:07 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.1490035 Overall Rank: 5262 Comments:
I am not getting how the printing of poetry mocks mother nature here in the aspens. And how do we shout weaknesses that are previously unparalleled (unshouted or unfelt)?
Incomplete sentence: "As honey and dew drips quietly from silent tongues." Aspen leaves are yellow in the fall, so how do leaves of every color litter the ground? But like Mulberry says, the next lines are good. Sorry, I'm picky today.
Actually, if you've ever watched the aspens turn, they are multi-colored. The poetry itself mocks mother nature, but it's all a matter of interpretation.
Sure. Just center it and it looks like an inscription on a memorial. It's postcard poetry. The voice needs a little reverberation here. The words don't do the job.
You can mock mother nature all you want, but you will never be able to filter out a certain sense of wonder. The poem would have been great (after changes according to Dovina's advices) if it had contained both feelings. It's in the last two lines perhaps, but not powerful enough.
Here's the ten you wanted
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Of souls stained like ours"