Glasseyez
on My Fatherâs World by Dovina
9 Feb 2006, 9:30 PM
This is nice I like the way you write
Alchemy, I didn't quite fit in with the first verse. It was rather deceptive. I thought you were praying to God your Father, and that's when I got into the second verse. It go me off balance suddenly or rather off guard. It's written well though, if it's to your parents.
This is written a little too simplisticly. It's uninteresting. Do you really feed your children biscuits, toast, jam, cheese and crackers at tea-time?!
The last two lines are excellent. I have to think about the rest. What's 'kindling homes'?
It is the worst shit I have ever read
I give you a 10 and a lollipop maybe no scratch the lollipop
Are you a vegetarian?
Hi wilco, I haven't seen you around much. Probably it's because I too have't been so possessed by this site lately. This is a good piece, and if you say it's country then it definitely fits. I can't imagine putting rock or reggae into it as I have a strong aversion for the two. You definitely have a knack for writing lyrics. Hats off to you.
Im sorry, but if I knew you I would mention it really
well done
9
That was good I like the visuals I get from this
I've begun to notice that everyone else on here puts a lot more time and effort into their poems than I do(I usually spend an hour/poem), and I don't think it's fair to ask your advice on something I haven't really worked on myself. The stuff I write is just crap, I mean take this poem: how pathetic is my imagry...did you even know I was attemping to have some imagry?-It's that bad. You guys all write some amazing poetry, and I'm sorry for asking you all to do my work for me.
I will now pledge to work harder on my writing, although I have little time with classes, so that I can produce work that is of substance. I thank you all for being so kind and generous with your advice.
Stick to skating
poop, its................poop
Crutch ha poor bastard! Girls don't think desperateness is attractive. I hope you didn't give this to her. 3 hey its better than the other two I read
If you had something more than whining I would have given you a better score
A little more content, your quote unquote poems do seem more on the demented side like you have big issues with people leaving you and you want to kill them.........thats what i get from this
oh god the negrophelia on oh humanity, 10
oh god the necrophelia one oh the humanity, 10