Wow...this is really bad. Come on, man, I know you're better than this. These sound like country-pop lyrics, and that music is for the musically retarded. Try to not be so obvious with what you're talking about, or say something profound if you do want to be direct.

hahaha funny

Our views could compare 9

Okay...although this is too long for me to read in one sitting (have a lecture shortly) I skim-read it and liked what I saw. I shall return later for a more detailed synopsis.

'Blonde waves' I like, and the final two lines are excellent. I'd like to know a bit more about the woman though, her description is a bit brief at the moment. Maybe two more lines would do it.

ha

Its great the way you explain the life of a soldier

You're a hell of a writer. I'm currently suffering from a tremendous case of writer's block. And the interesting thing is I came on to this sight about 2 weeks ago to get some help. The last time I was really productive was around 3 years ago when I first sign on to this Poet's asylum. Very serendipitis. This is long but it still reads like poetry.

I guessed the bit about 'I Am' (eimi ei) so can I have a bonus point?

I read this yesterday and didn't know exactly what bothered me about it. I like this poem, and I love the title, but there are a few thiings you possibly could make better. For example; elope means to runaway, yes, but for the majority it means to runaway with & get married so it kinda confuses things at the start. baby's pillows? Are they softer than children or adult pillows? In the 7th line you move from the sea and moonlight to enourmous atoms. Maybe a break in stanza would give it a much needed segue.

I really like this one

Hey, I think you might be getting it...this could be a lot better, but the SUBJECT is a massive improvement. Thus I will give you a 5.

This makes me salivate it's so good. I'd like to point out what I really like about this, but it would be every single line. I try very hard not to give out 10s, but this is perfect. "And the best radio station in town is nothing but static And the heartbreaking hum of the road is soft and erratic." -genius.

Dovina, I think I have read this earlier. I might not have appreciated this much...more because I am not familiar with the American setting. but now it makes more sense to me. It is written from the heart and gives a sense of wanting it back. I think I owe you a 10 for this.... and I'm glad I didn't vote earlier.

don't be so hard on yourself--the imagery isn't bad. Neither is the poem.

Kind of treacly.

Not sure I know what "acorn daisies" are, but this is pretty good. Like the last couple of lines, especially.

"I proudly showed one too" is pretty good. "A canvas tarp on his shoulder heaved" is a little tortured though. There are a lot of things you could rhyme with leaves without flipping the "heaved" line. Would a working class guy who uses words like gumption know that unction means ointment? seems like a funny word to use.

Great imagery!

Danielle Steel.