Re: Partying Blind by poetry/poem101	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Feb-06/1:14 PM
What to say about this...well for one thing it's a prose poem. But that's not majorly important. The last 4 lines really want to go...this is a poetry site, after all, and they detract from the end of the story which showed promise. However, it didn't quite live up to the potential it showed; you need to bring out the emotions of the events. I recommend Caducus' work for learning how to write emotive poetry without sounding whiny. Other than that, spelling and grammar, the usual stuff. As first posts go, it's better than many.
Re: Partying Blind by poetry/poem101	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:11 PM
Well, I got through the first paragraph, but it's my feeling that if you want me to do you the courtesy of reading the whole thing and commenting and voting in a serious manner, the least you could do is run it through the spell checker.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:14 PM
It's a little simplistic for what I'm into right now...doesn't really leave anything to the imagination. Not that it's bad...it just doesn't really peak my interest.
Re: The Acorn Daisies by MacFrantic	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:16 PM
excellent
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Feb-06/3:20 PM
I saw the story about Hamza and the hooker; I'm tempted to say it's probably a lie, but he deserves it. Fantastic poem, by the way!
Re: Monkey Tree (Breathless edit) by ecargo	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:20 PM
not bad, but the spacing is distracting and makes it harder to read than it should be.
Re: run'em'hard by grendal	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:24 PM
It's like a retarded Dr. Seuss poem...no offense to you...It just doesn't make any sense.
Re: Pastry by Tirapasteles	Ranger 62.252.32.15	9-Feb-06/3:30 PM
You'll have to forgive me, but I don't have a clue.
Re: Unless by rahson_s	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:39 PM
Some nice sentiments, but not a very entertaining read unless you're the one at which it's directed.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:54 PM
mmhmm..
Re: Pastry by Tirapasteles	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/3:59 PM
no can reada so no can vota
Re: Moonlight Paradox by Glasseyez	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:02 PM
I don't know....7?
Re: cryogenicide necrobot by baphomet	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:05 PM
That's a lot of words to not be making any sense. I'm hnestly not sure if you're making up words or misspelling them,. but either ay, changing that would yield, I believe, a much better poem.
Re: The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:09 PM
After reading the comments here and on a few other pages, I've realized that when you leave for a while and then come back..you have no clue whats going on anymore...nice poem by the way..Tommy likee
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:13 PM
A couple of tweaks and this will probably be a favorite..I'm not going to even try to give you a critique on where to tweak...you know.
Re: Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:18 PM
I hate to keep heaping praise upon you because I'm sure your head is swelling as I write this, but I can't help it. I'l give it a 10 if you can make it longer and it's still this good.
Re: Faith on a cross by Caducus	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:20 PM
Not as good as the one i just read...but not bad.
Re: Lonely Road by drnick	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:25 PM
It just doesn't really do anything for me...it's not really bad and I wish I knew what to tell you to improve it...just feels tired...
Re: Tonight (edit) by drnick	wilco 24.92.74.122	9-Feb-06/4:30 PM
again, some cliches...and I think one thing that might hlp you is to get an idea of what you want to write..then work on how you want to say it..as opposed to letting the rhymes drive the poem as was said above.
Re: Partying Blind by poetry/poem101	god'swife 71.103.98.44	9-Feb-06/7:38 PM
The stories are interesting. I can't believe that any little league would allow such retarded names for teams. If you made these up, make up better ones. If you didn't make these up, than you should make up better ones. Right now this is just a little too cumbersome. I like the authenticity of the voice. It reads as if you are speaking directly to me and that's good. Maybe you can think about seperating these memories. Let each stand alone. Even if it's just with roman numerals or something. I don't really like the one about the optometrist visits. it makes you a less sympathetic character. The title's good. you shouldn't annotate at the end. It's better to finish with a compelling image or statement. For example; 'for the first time in a long time I saw my father.' Maybe you should be writing a screenplay. Actors love playing tormented characters. Blindness makes for good analogies. One question, how do you use a computer?