poemranker ::Lonely Road by drnick

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Free verse № 138455

Lonely Road

by drnick

Member since 2005 · Posted 6 Feb 2006 · 9 comments

Lonely road Through the woods it roams Carved into the thick greenery Such a blanketing cover that Not even sunlight hits the dirt The entrance so inviting as to Ask you to come in and get lost Darkness and mystery wait The path inside lay docile Footprints might as well be fossils The few who enter quickly leave They'd rather have a shortcut Than a journey Seasons pass and thicker grows The brush over the path That was once so very clear With all things considered Its purpose is already satisfied: For the deliberate visitor To walk all over it.

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mean 4.67 weighted 4.96 rank 8616 views 235 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

9 comments

[n/a] drnick 8-Feb-06/9:01 PM Reply
boy, i sure do wish someone would bestow their intelligent advice upon me as to how i could improve this poem...
[n/a] ALChemy › drnick 9-Feb-06/5:48 AM Reply
-Then you should bestow your intelligent advice upon us a little more.
[8] Ranger › ALChemy 9-Feb-06/7:06 AM Reply
Yes, give and take here, old fruit. You can only get away with not commenting on others' work if your name is -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.
I'm not sure if this poem is metaphorical or if it's a direct description...if it's the former, you need to make it a little clearer for the benefit of morons like myself; if it's the latter, well then it's nicely written but doesn't really elicit any sort of thought from the reader.
[8] Ranger › Ranger 9-Feb-06/7:58 AM Reply
I've made 9 hundred and thirty something comments and received 288...you've made 36 comments and received 66. If you want people to talk to you, you have to talk to them first.
[n/a] drnick › Ranger 9-Feb-06/9:02 AM Reply
I see, that is a fair request. I suppose I don't make that many comments because I don't really feel as though I know enough to help...but I will try.
[n/a] drnick › Ranger 9-Feb-06/9:02 AM Reply
As far as this poem is concerned it is definately metaphorical:

-The road is a lonely person
-The thick woods is the personality they hide behind

I dunno, maybe you can figure it out from there...I guess the meaning seems obvious to me because I wrote it.
[8] Ranger › drnick 9-Feb-06/10:40 AM Reply
You don't need to be the poet laureate to comment on peoples' works, even if it's just to say whether you liked or disliked what you read. It's nice to know that people have read and thought about what you've written.
As for the poem, I wondered if it might be like that. It's not the most original subject matter but I like the way you've dealt with it - you avoid the cliches, or rather, you take the cliches and rework them well. Now I'm looking at it with more understanding, it's become so much clearer - every line has a definite purpose. I really should have made the connection certain by reading 'the deliberate visitor'. So yes, on both levels it's written well.
2 suggestion: lines 8 and 9 seem a bit worn...it would work better if there was a little more originality there. Also, 'That a journey/Seasons pass...' seems to be a bit of a jump. You might want to consider either putting a break between them or linking it with another line. That's my opinion anyway, others may read it differently.
Useful?
[6] wilco 9-Feb-06/4:25 PM Reply
It just doesn't really do anything for me...it's not really bad and I wish I knew what to tell you to improve it...just feels tired...
[n/a] drnick › wilco 9-Feb-06/8:27 PM Reply
I completely agree, there's nothing special about this poem...I've begun to notice that everyone else on here puts a lot more time into their poems than I do(I usually spend an hour), and I don't think it's fair to ask your advice on something I haven't really worked on myself. The stuff I write is just crap, I mean take this poem: how pathetic is my imagry...did you even know I was attemping to have some imagry?-It's that bad. You guys all write some amazing poetry, and I'm sorry for asking you all to do my work for me.

I will now pledge to work harder on my writing, although I have little time with classes, so that I can produce work that is of substance. I thank you all for being so kind and generous with your advice. I will post this message on my latest piece of shit so that the people I'm talking to are more likely to read it.