Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 16:19:46 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Lonely road Through the woods it roams Carved into the thick greenery Such a blanketing cover that Not even sunlight hits the dirt The entrance so inviting as to Ask you to come in and get lost Darkness and mystery wait The path inside lay docile Footprints might as well be fossils The few who enter quickly leave They'd rather have a shortcut Than a journey Seasons pass and thicker grows The brush over the path That was once so very clear With all things considered Its purpose is already satisfied: For the deliberate visitor To walk all over it.

Ranger

9-Feb-06/10:40 AM

You don't need to be the poet laureate to comment on peoples' works, even if it's just to say whether you liked or disliked what you read. It's nice to know that people have read and thought about what you've written.
As for the poem, I wondered if it might be like that. It's not the most original subject matter but I like the way you've dealt with it - you avoid the cliches, or rather, you take the cliches and rework them well. Now I'm looking at it with more understanding, it's become so much clearer - every line has a definite purpose. I really should have made the connection certain by reading 'the deliberate visitor'. So yes, on both levels it's written well.
2 suggestion: lines 8 and 9 seem a bit worn...it would work better if there was a little more originality there. Also, 'That a journey/Seasons pass...' seems to be a bit of a jump. You might want to consider either putting a break between them or linking it with another line. That's my opinion anyway, others may read it differently.
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