horus8
on Today's Spam by nentwined
27 Feb 2006, 3:29 PM
ha ha...
Needs a new ending.
In memory of my grandmother
A frescoed ceiling in the chancel between crucifix and altar. These old stone cathredals are forceful like this.
I'd like to see a word after "mother" in L1 S2 to reflect the "womb sonic" line.
To say my brother became my father might be a little less confusing in S3. I'm not sure how he managed hang himself from his firetruck.
Some hardcore stuff here though.
I suggest cutting half the words, which I think will make it twice as strong.
Sample:
Calm as a still ocean
Warm as a summer breeze
lol
ewee.
Sounds like various scenes from The Passion of The Christ minus all the gross stuff.
This seems to get underway with the line: " What made you have such faith in God?" Before that, is seems cheesy and without much meaning. You can still keep it light and funny, but I think more cleverness is needed to achieve that.
From the aforementioned line onward, you're getting into the matter, but I think you could do it better with the original Goliath story and the great unliklihood that David could have slung a stone with that accuracy - that's faith.
The title should be "Anger" or somesuch, I think. Why would "this aggravates me" be true? Otherwise good.
I'm really feeling this...
magnetic north does not migrate thousands of kilometers a year. Why not just say "You are North, and I am South."
Note:
I havent proofread this very well yet so there may be a few flaws here and there, bear with me and ill get it completley updated soon.
Despise is neither a noun nor is it an adjective, except maybe in this sentence. Impressive stuff considering it's basically a long sustained whine.