All this talk of jam makes me feel hungry

What? No questions about Uria? That would have spiced the interview up. I mean, Samuël 2 makes a good read, but you've taken all the flav' out. Look at this pink cheeked, fizzykissy, woolywooly softy - not the kind of guy you see fuckin' another man's wife and sending him to war with a note for his commander: make sure this one gets killed.

I like it. ^_^

There is a subtle flow/rythm in the language, that does not flow into the last three lines. (Dropping the A. in Dorsey's name would help; as would changing 'perpetuity'(?'time'?).The 'a' in the last line was strange to me, I'd change to: "the sweet scent of pine'. I would have shortened the syllables in line 7, by dropping 'behind & broken' and adding 'their'; or at least dropping 'broken'.It is rather long, and would work better if you tweaked the rythm within it. "peak"> peek (mispelled) (Peak> mountian peak, eagle's beak. Peek> peer, EyEs pEEk...EEK! :) IMO...

OH! Type A personalities! groan...:~ If I wrote this it would have been so different! All the possibilities...no clocks, no time...just the sheer joy of 'being'...like a child...I would have just played with the idea and excitement of 'possibility'...but THAT is me, and this is you. I enjoy my own time and am never bored...never. Perhaps when you get there you will find a child waiting to show you what to do:)

Cool

LOL...a bit of fun! I love the ones offering penis enlargement...it would be useful if I HAD a penis! and the ones for viagra-like meds...if I had a penis, that then refused to respond!

I'd prefer to see stanza 2 keep a constant rhythm with stanza 1. I do like the idea of this, though.

The first stanza is better than the 2nd, but I would really like to see some capitalisation at the beginning of the sentences.

This is a mixed bag, although easy to relate to, Try to see the world as I see it through my eyes This is undoubtedly the worst lne in the poem, You should either say Try to see the world through me eyes. or Try to see the world as I see it. But given how many people see it similarly you could try Try and see the world how we see it, etc.

Lovely, although (unusually for you) the rhythm seems shaky in a couple of places. Stanza 3 line 2 is a syllable short and line 4 is one too long. I'd remove 'her' from line 4 and add something, maybe 'Enchanted, stunned, you gasp...' (that doesn't quite fit the feel of the piece, but you get the picture.) I'm not convinced that stanza 5 does justice to the rest of the poem; it's a little formulaic ('fear', 'darkness', 'sight' etc.) and I'd use simply 'magic' to keep the rhythm. Stanza 7 would work better with 'Slow (as <something>)...' These are all rhythmic suggestions, of course - I think the content of the poem is mostly fabulous! Also, when I read the last stanza I misread it as 'Butterfly wings, butterfly still', which sounds really nice to me. I also loved 'Porcelain doll, dainty face'. This can have a 9 in anticipation of being edited.

Makes me think of someone else's pet cat dying in your house.

Heh, personally I love nonsense poetry. I do, however, prefer nonsense poems to keep a strong sense of timing...also, I'd like to see more imagery than you give here. Gave me the impression of a beggar (slum being patched up with an abandoned piece of plastic, sea-gull egg (coin), tragic injury etc. etc. etc.)

Hmm, not bad. I'd cut the 'it was given that nickname due to...' bit; make the reader do a little work. I'd also cut the phone conversation bit (from 'he replied...') You repeat 'huge steel pole', it would be more effective if you could give differing descriptions of it - maybe try and reflect the personalities of the characters in the way they see the pole. Personally I'd take out the last paragraph and replace it with 'Together they fell.' There's a lot more I could say about this, but it's a long piece so it's probably worth editing it a little at a time. Great promise though. I'll give it a 7 for now, mainly because otherwise the comment counter won't work!

You rated me a 4? If this... 'poem' is any indication, your skills are weak... you wouldn't even log on and comment on it... if it's so horrible, why not tell me what you found so screwed up... offer some constructive criticism or something... don't just go on some anonymous BS... Now... this poem has no purpose... it sounds like a poem parody or something... it's garbage... There's no deep meaning or even a surface meaning... Scrap this and come with something your abilities can create if you spent more time on it... I'll give you a two just for posting this junk.

Interesting, I think a little more punctuation would improve it however.

I must concur with Terbenaw, this appears to have taken 2 minutes to write and has nothing to offer the reader.

Dear Terbenaw, I don't know your age, and I don't wish to be insulting but this comes across as very amateurish, the basic message is OK, but as poetry it is uninspiring.

OMG...chilly stuff there...with the voice of youth...

I post,vote, and then go read the votes and comments...that said...I'll be interested in how people took this...I never know in here! I like the last two stanzas, good rythm and they seem to form an ending to a picture of something...but the previous lines don't draw a picture or mean anything, to me, and are lacking in every way.