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Pain (Free verse) by terbenaw
My soul is in chaos, my heart is in pain I sit and I wonder if my life will ever change But I know that it will remain the same In times of sadness, I call upon the rain Where I stand and poor my soul out in tears Only the breeze listens as I let out my fears I scream for help, but no one will hear My vision's now hazy whereas it once was clear Anguish and agony accompany me And I stand helpless in a world in need Stranded, trying to figure the best way to proceed Praying and hoping that I will succeed Faith is hard without any guidance In a world where many have brains but are mindless Where some have backbones and some are still spineless And religion is seen as myths made timeless Listen closely, hear my soul's cries Heed my heart’s screams as my mind dies Try to see the world as I see it through my eyes See the cruelly distorted trees and grey somber skies I move through life just trying to stay alive On crime-filled streets there’s nowhere to hide A jungle in which salvation is my only guide And I wonder every night, “How long will I survive?”

Up the ladder: Dream of a Vanilla Sky

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Weighted score: 4.905148
Overall Rank: 9771
Posted: March 22, 2004 9:25 AM PST; Last modified: February 25, 2006 5:21 PM PST
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Comments:
[6] Blue Magpie @ 212.205.251.11 | 1-Mar-06/12:39 AM | Reply
This is a mixed bag, although easy to relate to,

Try to see the world as I see it through my eyes

This is undoubtedly the worst lne in the poem, You should either say

Try to see the world through me eyes.
or
Try to see the world as I see it.

But given how many people see it similarly you could try

Try and see the world how we see it, etc.
[n/a] terbenaw @ 69.230.27.75 > Blue Magpie | 9-Mar-06/3:12 AM | Reply
Good point... I'll try to apply that thought throughout the entire poem. Thanks.
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