Don't you mean "reign" in line 2? And why add "supreme"? Am I repeating myself?

lol...chuckled at this...didn't think I was going to like it, at first...but it came out pulled together...and ended up being fun. You have a strange internal dialog! LOL

Good. But I was a little disappointed with the metaphor, assuming it is one. I would rather see it more poignant and focused.

graceless seems a tad forced here...but I like this. The last stanza is rather strange in that it brings 'freedom to our souls'...which feels like relief and sounds nice and desirable...but then it ends, "turning all life cold", which is the opposite. Maybe this was on purpose?...it would be one to some people, and the other to other people.

Fireflies-cigarette, fantastic analogy. I really do like your haikus (senryus, whichever is appropriate.)

ah-ha! cool! Very good!

When you get there, chill for a while, have a drink, then find somewhere new to go. How else could soap operas have survived for such a tragically long time?

I like the first stanza...alot! then the 2nd...AWwww...man...this had the potential to go a long way. My suggestion? scratch out the last stanza, stash it in a pile somewhere, and then rediscover it sometime in the future, when you will be inspired to write more...and the cerebral climax it calls for! 9 on the first stanza. hmm...2nd...use it in another realistic and ironic piece.

Loved the first line. Was 'peak' an intentional typo (i.e. the neighbour 'peaking' over the top of the blinds like a mountaintop etc.)?

I wasn't as amused by this as I might have been. Too cheesy in too many places, but then again, alot of people praise cheezy to high heaven. It just didn't go anywhere interesting! I kept thinking you were going to make them lovers...so many places hint you are going there. (Intro>loved the Lord passionatly,how long have you been in love with the Lord? a burning desire to please the Lord, that nothing could prevent me from expressing my love for Him. the whole dancing nearly-naked part.) I don't think this was an accident...and if you were going that direction, then don't pussy-foot around it...go for the balls, so to speak! And if you find that whole idea blasphemous, then take a really close look at this and revise...alot! (also, if it was not intentional, then perhaps you might want to talk to your priest...unless, of course he is of that type that would agree they were indeed lovers, and you are a pretty youngster.... LOL...Don't send me hate mail!

Emotive, as usual

"Draft" o' the day. Cheers!

Oh, and, I like the alternate title the best...if I had to vote.

I almost whoop aloud at the places you go! I would change>he now looks Needs something more refined, there. At rereading, I thought, the cock could have said so many different things, and I would have liked it as much. Another romantic dies at dawn. etc, etc:)

Maybe you should pick a different "there". Yours sounds like it sucks, but that's no reason to give up on theres in general.

Soo close, here. I wish I hadthe time.

Oh, Man! Awesome! Idea, premise,and the path to it; Great! Very intellegent! Execution...needs to be worked on. okay....Yes, some flow problems in a few places (In low-lit room move, exploring Soft sweeps across such pale skin) Maybe that's it, maybe make more complete sentences...alittle too sparse here and there. I think if you filled in a little, and then cleaned up the rythm that way, you would be more happy with this. I'd like to see you play with the 'fire' alittle more here. I think volcano erupts, in reverse, to flow upon the floor, searing hot images that burn into the mind and refuse to be painted in their full glory onto the canvas...I'd like to see you go a little further with that idea. Pale...alabaster, porcelain...I would like a more precie definition/description here. But, maybe that is the whole, entire point of this. Less than mastered, it stands as the canvas and so a part of what it laments it can not master. But only a true artist agonizes over the inablility to fully capture it, but alas, does come close. You need to come closer to it, here, to pull off the imperfections; if they are meant to be there. 9 for the genius of thought this holds. 10 if you master it!

I'd give you some words of inspiration like the others did but right now I've got to go curl up into a fetal position and weep quietly into my pillow.

This is so freaking cool! What a delight! I am so tempted to go read what others wrote before I post, but I won't. I have no clear understanding what this is about...and I don't think I want one! It could be about so many wonderful things...and so I say...it could use a tweak here or there...but not too many, or it might lose its depth and multi-meaning layers. I have reread this 3 times, and will put it in my favorites to reread again. It is just magical. And, I think, to adults and children alike,it will mean so many different things.I like all the things that may be tucked in the nooks and crannies of this piece. (Like little Spider's webs tucked into the cracks and crevices) That said, I don't think it would hurt to fill in with a word here or there, in closer proximity to complete sentences.

...and the empty gendarm pews staring....