I like this one~I'm adding it to my fave list

A heavily laden negro-nappy.

(new) downy mustache something about the distant mountain folds- makes no sense to me. I'm assuming the pomegranate berries are your period/ovulation. Why do you run and what exactly are you running from might flesh (no pun intended) this out .

replace 'brings forth tears/ to my eyes' with 'brings forth tears/ to my bum'

Pure and Vile must be their names. It seems the "sickness" theme should be developed, perhaps in relation to Vile.

*groan* that's the sort of terrible pun I usually love ;-)

Fair enough. You might want line 12 to be 'because today I wanted to create' - just to keep tense consistency with the line after.

This is pretty good. 'And words are the easiest' is rather cack-handed (the easiest what/of what). I like 'break them across lines'.

Okay, carma, that’s nice. But it’s a bit long. Basically, it comes down to this: if I wear myself out the way I wear my cars out I’ll get toe-tagged and towed to the scrapyard by a truck I think it could even get shorter: if like my cars I drive myself in the ground I’ll end up toe-tagged in the scrapyard

Thanks Ranger! Point taken. Will make the change in the revised version.

Thanks Howl. I agree. I am thinking of a suitable line to clarify my intent.

***Newsflash (An Update that is not an Commente)*** Kazakhstani officials are threatening to sue Sacha Baron Cohen over the way their country is portrayed in the Borat movie. -10-

'He keeps babies hugged inside his hollowed bowels' is a -=Dark_Angel=- line if ever I heard one.

Aside from 'gloppy', this is excellent

Damn. Homeboy went off. Do you really want crits on this?

A splended path is not so bad, even a rcky path. Wh cares where it leads.

Illusions are not so bad, even beat reality much of the time. Why imagine agonies?

Alas, it is good... I haven't spoken to you in awhile horus. I've finally gotten round to reading Manly P Halls book, and a curiosity holds me- Are you a mason? This question feels stupid, then again, it's better to get stupidities out of the way. Aside from that, how are you doing you fuckin bastard? My new email is sdreamer2234@yahoo.com - maybe I'll hear from you soon. Peace. And heres a ten, though we both know it means nothing.

hmmm. not bad. I have never climbed a pomogranate tree although we have 'em here. But I can say its a very tasty fruit.

First of all, I see that you mentioned its someone else's poem. So, am not sure if I should grade it. Apart from that its a nice sentiment, very true, but with spelling errors.