on Hoodwinked by Dovina
2 Sep 2004, 4:55 PM
hogwash? really? For some reason, I tink that word takes away from it...but thats just me. The rest is good though.
on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer
27 Aug 2004, 8:18 PM
A bit wordy for my taste, but still not too shabby.
on A Piñon Planter by Dovina
27 Aug 2004, 8:16 PM
As I said: Not your best, but still one of the top 5 I've read today (Excluding the Dylan Thomas).
on Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
27 Aug 2004, 8:14 PM
As usual, good job.
on St. Patrick’s Cathedral by Dovina
27 Aug 2004, 8:06 PM
Ok, I'm reading his as someone questioning their faith. That may not be what you're trying to convey, but that's how I read it. It is funny how the Christian fith is so gloomy and dark in nature. I don't understand why it has to have all these depressing icons to build up a point about eternal happiness.
Anyway, I think this is a good construcion of te idea: "Searching for the strength to die, without somewhere to go." It's a scary thought that when you die it's all over. That's why religion is important: It gives us a reason to live AND a reason to die.
Anyway, I think this is a good construcion of te idea: "Searching for the strength to die, without somewhere to go." It's a scary thought that when you die it's all over. That's why religion is important: It gives us a reason to live AND a reason to die.
replying on Rapid Eye Movement by wilco
27 Aug 2004, 5:37 PM
I agree that the title is a bit too blatant. I thought about calling it R.E.M., but that seemed wrong for obvious reasons. If you can think of something I'd love to hear it. That one line doesn't seem to read awkwardly to me...maybe it's my southern..ness. I don't know. Either way, I'll play with it and see about a revamped version.I'll think on the title too. Thanks.
re: "We’ve become the people we swore we'd never be."
Didn't you ever say to yourself as a kid that you would never become an adult? Usually I won't clarify things like this, but for some reason I felt compelled to do so here. I meant that we've become adults and that we never (or at least I never) thought that I would actually become one.
Didn't you ever say to yourself as a kid that you would never become an adult? Usually I won't clarify things like this, but for some reason I felt compelled to do so here. I meant that we've become adults and that we never (or at least I never) thought that I would actually become one.
on Deep inside silence of a dark breeze by Prince of Void
17 Aug 2004, 3:41 PM
thats a whole lotta y.
on Pomegranate Girl by Caducus
17 Aug 2004, 3:36 PM
I like this one too, but the rhyme takes away from it, I think.
on Lonelier than you- by samuel sturgeon
17 Aug 2004, 3:32 PM
better than the last one I read. -8-
on The Finger of my Mind by sliver
17 Aug 2004, 3:30 PM
yep, verse 2 is good. I like 3 too, but 2 is better.
on Fugitively Speaking by Dovina
17 Aug 2004, 3:07 PM
very nice, D. Poetic and all that. :0)
on Mr. Stryker, Do You Really Want Some Kind of War? by cat
5 Aug 2004, 11:00 AM
I think that this would be good if it was trimmed down some.
on THEY SAY YOU ARE AN ANGEL by massangel62
31 Jul 2004, 8:02 PM
Therapeutic?
Also, you don't have to copyright your poems here.
Also, you don't have to copyright your poems here.
replying on The Conception of a Dream by wilco
31 Jul 2004, 7:59 PM
Oh well. Let he who is without error cast the first insult in my direction. Who will it be?
replying on The Conception of a Dream by wilco
31 Jul 2004, 7:56 PM
Incidentally, did you notice the capitalized first letter of each line? Stupid Microsoft Word. Makes it look like I was trying to do some kind of fucked up Acrostic. lol.
replying on The Conception of a Dream by wilco
31 Jul 2004, 7:55 PM
nada.
replying on The Conception of a Dream by wilco
31 Jul 2004, 7:53 PM
The vague and dreamy outcome of the mixture of Nyquil and Bourbon.
replying on Someday Soon by Drunk Russian Poet
31 Jul 2004, 7:51 PM
Because I moved.