Re: Reverse Pschology by Mister Cakes	15-Aug-02/8:37 AM
Oh poor boy. The humiliation you must feel.
Re: And Now... by Lil_Chick_512	15-Aug-02/8:22 AM
This is emotional drool, not poetry. The raging hormones of adolescence belong in the locked diary away from mommy's eyes.
Re: My Black Friend by kawakurdi	15-Aug-02/8:12 AM
Archaic ideas breeds bit of archaic language. Maybe try to take this and create your own style.
Re: Afraid Of You (To Amber) by Lil_Chick_512	15-Aug-02/7:58 AM
I have never seen such misuse of the ellipsoidal in my life. It is rampant on this site. Who is teaching you people. But in this case it was good because I faded out in the first sentence and didn't have to read the journal entry that followed. Think before you write.
Re: ending by Eline	15-Aug-02/7:54 AM
Maybe a full line break after laughter would slow this down a bit and let it build more slowly.
Re: The Left Book Club by Nicholas Jones	15-Aug-02/7:52 AM
Where is Gollancz when you need him? I wonder whom he would nab today to write the LBC mantra? Are there any good propagandists anymore? Anywho, this works well revealing the LBC from the grunt level revealing the dogmatic good intentions (or deceptive intentions if you consider the poems undertones to violence) along with many in the group's extreme naivete. Interesting subject matter, but I do not like the fuck-up in the first line. It seems out of place? And some of the lines trip in the prose.
Re: Song of departure by kawakurdi	14-Aug-02/3:17 PM
I know what act/theme is going on here, but the metaphors are basic and not even good clich??s. Come on: "This is the spring of your winter season". "Cuts down the green tree of my lifetime." The stuff has been worked so hard so many times, it now sounds like it belongs on a soap opera.
Re: Alone by Lil_Chick_512	14-Aug-02/12:18 PM
Holy crap, your are right. I didn't get that far. That is creepy. I now have goosebumps!
Re: freehand by Montinequego	14-Aug-02/12:15 PM
sap.
Re: Song of departure by kawakurdi	14-Aug-02/12:15 PM
There is skilled use of metaphor (none here) and then there is stuff that just makes no sense (here). Come on. This could be: Open the door, walk out, close the door, goodbye, cry. Now that is powerful and it would have save a ton of space.
Re: the coldest hell by skaskowski	14-Aug-02/11:59 AM
I sure wish I know what the hell this one meant. Why The Coldest Hell and then the coldest hell later? And more brilliant use of the ellipsoidal!
Re: Alone by Lil_Chick_512	14-Aug-02/11:48 AM
Geez, you say I'm mean. I left this "alone".
Re: A Relationship that didnt last by lucky_cmc	14-Aug-02/11:08 AM
Oh brother. And such a clever use of profanity wasted.
Re: Poor Hollywood by zzaj	14-Aug-02/10:28 AM
Some of the images are clever - "smog feels tense, dark that grows brighter," but the poem ultimately loses me in the end.
Re: Let's praise the flesh peddler by horus8	14-Aug-02/10:26 AM
And I though George Carlin taught me new phrases. You take the cake. I think the intensity of the poem is stronger than what you are trying to say, but I would love to hear it live just for effect.
Re: How much? by T.Becquerel II	14-Aug-02/9:45 AM
A funky tactic. I was a sucker. But then again, I am from Misery.
Re: Decisions by x311	14-Aug-02/9:17 AM
This is just flat out boring.
Re: Whispering Water by forestchild7	14-Aug-02/9:13 AM
What is it with all the ellipsoidal use? Are you hanging with jangle jack? A line break is a sufficient pause I think. The...gives more of an impression of tapering off into infinity. The poem reminds me of panty hose for some reason.
Re: Something Caught My Eye by x311	14-Aug-02/9:11 AM
How can it be a day like any other when you meet such a hottie? "A body and face of a goddess she possesses" is a little much. If you presented more images and less telling, you might have a poem in here.
Re: skeletons by tat2dangel	14-Aug-02/9:07 AM
The last line is incredibly confusing.