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Song of departure (Free verse) by kawakurdi
It scares me when the end of time Tolls the bell of the call of separation When a black shadow Engulfs the last halo of your sight I am scared of a time when like a loony I look around in all directions I look nearby, I look faraway Except for the flame of a red sorrow In the horizons, nothing I can detect. I am scared of a time.... This time has come The wind of departure has blown Load your luggage Wither the last bud of smile Close your eyes with a sad heart And say, Good bye, my love I am far away, you are far away The roads are closed. Trees mourn their roots. Hey, here is a henna party for your wedding! Nay, it is the blood of dreams crimsoning horizons! I am afraid of me, of people, of shadows, Of the sun and the sea Of pen and paper Of desert, of nights, of fences Of every whisper Of every whisker Taking the road of your roadlessness. Every passing hour of the clock Cuts down the green tree of my lifetime Then I was a spring, I wish I were autumn The sky's tears would refresh my mourning flower. It is night now. My lamp burns slowly, dimly It is listening to the last sentence of your story A new shoot suddenly springs up This is the spring of your winter season.

Up the ladder: Lonely
Down the ladder: Sacrosanct Oligarch

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7537
Posted: August 13, 2002 2:56 PM PDT; Last modified: August 13, 2002 2:56 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] horus8 @ 24.126.113.154 | 13-Aug-02/3:40 PM | Reply
take me back to the treehouse, the can phone, friui picked lunches, and four seasons distinctive..the phone rings in the house..i know it's not for me..eight year olds don't get phone calls yet..they are still free to day dream..lucky, and brimming with summer warmed stories. beautifull texture and powerful sentencing 8/10.
[3] Tarquin De La Bog @ 212.140.118.231 | 13-Aug-02/5:15 PM | Reply
This is poncey, verging on the ludicrous. 3. Some nice imagery in isolated places, but lines such as 'I am scared of a time when like a loony' mean that quite frankly my friend, you should be put up against a wall and shot.
[n/a] poetandknowit @ 65.101.211.10 | 14-Aug-02/12:15 PM | Reply
There is skilled use of metaphor (none here) and then there is stuff that just makes no sense (here). Come on. This could be: Open the door, walk out, close the door, goodbye, cry. Now that is powerful and it would have save a ton of space.
[n/a] kawakurdi @ | 14-Aug-02/1:49 PM | Reply
No, it dramatises the act/theme of departure. There are three moments/times in the poem: before an imminent departure, when it actually takes place and after it has taken place. The images/metaphors embody these
moments and emotions they evoke.
[n/a] poetandknowit @ 65.101.211.10 | 14-Aug-02/3:17 PM | Reply
I know what act/theme is going on here, but the metaphors are basic and not even good clich??s. Come on: "This is the spring of your winter season". "Cuts down the green tree of my lifetime." The stuff has been worked so hard so many times, it now sounds like it belongs on a soap opera.
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