| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Sacrosanct Oligarch (Free verse) by Frass Sacrosanct oligarch
only game in town
my sweet, missing patriarch
you leave me no direction
away from this killing ground.
Father time skipped a beat
around our sons' heart clocks
leaving only brother death
to snip their prodigal locks.
But, martial lies petrify
and truth will well
like water through rock
open my eyes
and I'll tell with a sigh
the story of man's codified
deathwish for himself.
Up the ladder:
Song of departure
Down the ladder:
My girl
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: August 23, 2002 8:15 PM PDT; Last modified: August 23, 2002 8:15 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7538 Comments:
the title is perfect and then you started doing that crazy thing you do with your brain...thinking..think less, thinking has nothing to do with writing. it just gets in the way and complicates the simple(yime up while i squezze this pimple.there)..this poem looks like a steak cooking a cow..6/10
it looks a bit better in the light of day... a bit 7/10!
Pfff. Too many metaphors, not enough violence. Were you using the maxim, "If it's hard to parse, it's probably profound?"
234 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Has its moments. Like marital lies petrify, but I think the poem lollygags in cutely designed rhythms. Ii guess I just like poetry with an edge. Something to smack me up side the head. But this just doesn't do it. And it is not funny.