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skeletons (Free verse) by tat2dangel
the disease weaves back and forth through my tired veins a never-ending battle the victor is the one who reigns all I wanted was a hand to hold his fingers were too cold his manner too controlled my heart dropped and shattered self-esteem splattered made a mess on the bathroom floor You turned your head and sighed ignored the way I cried out for you but you were out the door...

Down the ladder: How much?

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7488
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:15 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:15 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] nentwined @ | 16-Mar-02/1:21 AM | Reply
the last lines stumbles for me. maybe if you lead into it after cried with "..." and put a comma after "out for you"? I like "made a mess on the bathroom floor". I'm not too into the disease metaphor at the beginning, and ... "the victor is the one who reigns", as a tautology, sesms a bit out of place.
[n/a] poetandknowit @ 65.101.211.10 | 14-Aug-02/9:07 AM | Reply
The last line is incredibly confusing.
[8] ShivaDiva @ 198.81.26.47 | 31-Aug-04/10:45 AM | Reply
SICK! :D
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