poemranker ::The War by Tarquin De La Bog

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Free verse № 8789

The War

by Tarquin De La Bog

Member since 2002 · Posted 14 Aug 2002 · 9 comments

I crouch, lithe, alert, waiting. My supple limbs are coiled, tense. I am ready to flee, should that need to be. I am aware of no sound, Merely the pulse in the temples of my head. Sweat pours from every pore, as I know that I am surrounded by my enemies. Suddenly, a shot is fired. I am away! Explosion of power! I am running. Desperately taking myself further from That terrible sound. It is all over. I won the race. I acknowledge the cheers of my adoring crowd. The drug of relief flows through my craving veins. I savour the warm flavour of victory. Far away, a shot is fired. My brother cannot get away! He is falling. One more desperate victim, where the battlefields ring out with that terrible sound.

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mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7543 views 180 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

9 comments

[n/a] <~> 14-Aug-02/7:14 AM Reply
the first 3 stanzas are off like a shot; the last 2 falter/drain the strength of what you were buolding up to. the language loses its crispness.
[n/a] poetandknowit 14-Aug-02/9:00 AM Reply
I have to agree with the writer of triangle poems. The varied rhythms are interesting - I feel the jerk and pull. In addition, I like the "drug of relief" - good image.
[5] pkdrunner 15-Aug-02/3:27 PM Reply
if this is a war, why are there adoring crowds, i didn't know war was a spectator sport..anyway first half was better than the second, like the other comment said..i gives you a 5
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 15-Aug-02/3:45 PM Reply
...like...I think war is being used as a metaphor for athletics, pdkafdhdah.
[8] anagram 16-Aug-02/7:42 PM Reply
Like it a lot.
[9] The troubled sinner 17-Aug-02/1:27 PM Reply
Takes me back to a walk down a Paris canal in 1943. So it must be good. If this doesn't make the top ten nothing will. Keep it up. The Sinner.
[n/a] dougsoderstrom 19-Aug-02/2:33 PM Reply
Tarquin:
Thanks for the suggestions. I guess that "Break fast" is fairly cool. I'll take a look at the middle section of the poem.
Thanks, again-----Doug
[n/a] Bachus 19-Aug-02/7:39 PM Reply
you no it's not even fun anymore, cuz you're writing is not even rankable..so..i wont even go there..cuz there's no there to go to you.
[n/a] Bachus 19-Aug-02/7:40 PM Reply
you no it's not even fun anymore, cuz you're writing is not even rankable..so..i wont even go there..cuz there's no there to go to you.