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Salt

Member since 2002 · Posted 14 Aug 2002 · Edited 14 Aug 2002 · 10 comments

Water to wash away the stain of mundane. Lick my wounds, surging surf And pepper me with ablutive spray. Of the earth, I am bound to what is Mine. My blood swells; I curse Flat out lies from his lips And vinegar now in his kiss Pass the man over, he is not worth It, taking that risk. Pan him, can him: don't go astray. Preserve yourself from the hurt Cellared in my spirit. Stay away. Shaker, mover, faker, loser--you poured it In my wounds, blinded me with lies, Petered me away. I have come to despise All these lines. I am done with you, done with it.

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15 votes so far. Yours would make 16.15 votes so far

10 comments

[n/a] poetandknowit 14-Aug-02/8:49 AM Reply

You have succeeded. I am now thirsty.

[n/a] <~> 14-Aug-02/8:52 AM Reply

incorrect answer, but i'll buy you a beer anyway. this one's a layered riddle.

[9] Robert K Foster 14-Aug-02/8:57 AM Reply

Nicely Done.

[8] Tarquin De La Bog 14-Aug-02/9:55 AM Reply

Very good! 8. The form is great, and some of the imagery is nicely done - 'vinegar now in his kiss'. Just one thing though; there's no mention of Tequila!

[8] brazen 14-Aug-02/11:06 AM Reply

little vinegar never hurt anyone...until it gets in your eyes and makes you blind...which is common for me (take this both metaphorically and literally).

[7] horus8 14-Aug-02/11:45 AM Reply

morning z...the ending is a leaning crucifix of young sailors tormented by salt peter and morning wood wet dreams, plus the structure makes it go in lots of different directions..lots of stuff happening here...treasure chest tawny flesh, grandma lovers it!

[n/a] <~> 14-Aug-02/11:53 AM Reply

actually, one of the constructs i enjoyed the most in making it is the way the rhyme doubles back on itself in the first part (aba, cbc, cbc, aba), and then the final stanza's marked, 'deed', which is what caused the pain and the decision in the first place. funny how you can lauch it off 14 years later. salt still stings, remembering...

[8] Frass 14-Aug-02/2:06 PM Reply

Wonderful work, once again, from one of my favorite poets on poemranker. I've mentioned to you poets your work reminds me of; but, also consider the lyrics of Richard Thompson; particularly tunes like 'Shoot out the lights' and 'Just the motion.'

[7] ==Doylum 15-Aug-02/4:11 PM Reply

attic salt on yer fishfenerks, na i like mayonnaise with bits in. Never been one for these greeks and their gymnasiums

[8] Christof 22-Aug-02/7:52 AM Reply

Remind me not to get on your bad side. This is great and full of venom.