| Re: Lachrymalia by Lain |
27-Aug-02/11:30 PM |
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I'm not a fan of rhymn. i am a fan of -this renaissance of dust. don't you think the title too clinical for this piece?
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| Re: Tryst by <~> |
27-Aug-02/11:27 PM |
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| Re: Fetch by Limness |
27-Aug-02/11:25 PM |
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a good laugh. 6. Could be expanded, He shits on the carpet, my shoes are all ripped, He knocked down my Gra'ma, and shattered her hip.
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| Re: Tryst by <~> |
27-Aug-02/11:14 PM |
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Just don't forget about her. Call her in 2 weeks, see how she's doing. Buy her a new pair of shoes.
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| Re: Senses of Time by searching |
27-Aug-02/11:07 PM |
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I was going to give this a 2 but then the last line moved everything up 4 notches.
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| Re: denied by <~> |
27-Aug-02/10:59 PM |
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No, song lyrics can be poetry. I'm just a sucker for metaphor. It's like offering someone choc. chip when they always want raspberry swirl.
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| Re: denied by <~> |
27-Aug-02/10:52 PM |
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ZeeZee, I think i'm gonna have to give this a 3. If i voted on it as verse it would rank an 8 possibly but as poetry it leaves me wanting.
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| Re: Tryst by <~> |
27-Aug-02/10:45 PM |
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This made me laugh when i read it the first time. I can't figure out why. I think it's fine as is. The past tense verbs work well together. And the self awareness at the end, is like guilt after doing the deed. Moments pleasure vs. lifetime of regret.
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| Re: father Worked Nights by poetandknowit |
27-Aug-02/10:11 PM |
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Anotherday242: on your profile it says you signed up to receive comments by e-mail, but you posted no poetry. So you can't. Post something.
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| Re: Comparisons by anagram |
27-Aug-02/8:08 PM |
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Wait one second this Angel's working, in the poem it says sh'es sleeping I' confuseded. Please explain.
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| Re: father Worked Nights by poetandknowit |
27-Aug-02/8:01 PM |
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Hey Swishy, post some poetry.
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| Re: Suicide III by disturbedone182 |
27-Aug-02/7:35 PM |
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You know p&k the more time I spend going through random poetry the more I want to agree with you. Well atually you couldn't be more correct, but their just looking for someplace to post their stuff. Maybe we should have a referral site for teenage angst.
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| Re: Comparisons by anagram |
27-Aug-02/6:53 PM |
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Can I get back to you in a minute, I'm trying to understand what's going on with dark angel. I don't want to ignore you
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| Re: Comparisons by anagram |
27-Aug-02/6:42 PM |
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I think I suffer from wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone wrote like me syndrome. This poem for example, I know what your talking about but I crave the details. I want metaphors, like, niave as turnips,in my poem. Your angel sleeps like......what? I know you could come up with something lovely. The emotions are there but I want more substance.
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| Re: Daughter by pkdrunner |
27-Aug-02/5:32 PM |
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Aaah! Good poem. Last 2 lines could be a poem onto themselves.6
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| Re: Voices by justintotennis |
27-Aug-02/4:55 PM |
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Caught mommy and daddy going for it huh?
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| Re: Jesus was a necromancer by horus8 |
27-Aug-02/4:52 PM |
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Lots of comments no votes. I'll give it a 3. not your best
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| Re: The boy who shot birds by Bachus |
27-Aug-02/4:34 PM |
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Thanks for the news update. Have you thought about starting a political/poetry zine?
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| Re: Love and Marriage in Da Nang by Tascobar |
27-Aug-02/4:14 PM |
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Repetetive and predictable. 5 dolla no holla. Shit this joke is probably older then you.0
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| Re: The Snowglobe by josh_5o |
27-Aug-02/10:33 AM |
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The writing is too simplistic. The comparison between the snow globe/heart is good, but you need more discriptive words. Use less of these words: again, for, had, has, that,the,was. These words are to be avoided whenever possible. For example: line 6- Makes white flake snowmen- can replace the entire sentence. keep trying.
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