Terrific. Sort of Carl Sandburg for the domestic violence set. Father lived in a factory is a perfect set up. I thought he was a workoholic, and then it turns out his home is an abuse factory. I love the twist of it. 10. Only change might be to replace 'the' from line 10 to 'my'.

I realise this is probably a 'serious' poeme, but 'using the cat and mother for his steel' is hilarious. I'm going to give this 10 because that's what all the mature people who really appreciate poetry do.

that's really damn good.

D.A. now come on, you are satirizing your own satire; using cruelty as another expression of cruelty. Just be mean. Screw the little tots and their love poems. But you may be on to something in this poem, but let???s see how it turns out.

don't change anything it's perfect.

Pfft. You've been paying too much attention to god'swife. Cruelty has nothing to do with it. It's just an amusing phrase, partly because 'mother' can be construed as being in the scope of the 'the', i.e. 'the cat and the mother'. The other reason it's funny is that the combination of cats and violence is inherently funny, at least in principle. I'm sure in reality it may be less funny.

I have not been paying any attention to god's wife (aka Ms Gloria, although I cannot call her that anymore). My point is if you change the scope of your critique so you give the illusion of being kind and cuddly to poems (and I guarantee you there are some who will take it that way) and revert into pure satire we are, in a sense, losing an element that makes this site tick. As far as this poem goes, I kept the articles in the poem and chose "cat" for a specific reason and I think you are picking up on it.

i like it p&k. very effective.

It sounds like a child wrote it.. oh yea.. you are a child right? You did say that you were 6 didn't you? Well, I must say.. who are you to go around rating every's poems as a 0? When the only poem that I would rate a zero.... IS YOUR'S! If I do say so myself...
your poems are actually kind of funny! Stop writing like a 2 year old and maybe your poems will get better ratings!

Hate to state the obvious but given the title of the piece it was it would seem written by somebody's child.

Hey Swishy, post some poetry.

Maybe it's not my place to say but I do understand where Swishy is coming from. It's seems like very few people on this site understand what poetry is about. It's about someone writing how they feel and about who they are. It's someone sharing a part of them. And when someone shares there poem.. it's showing their soul. So, I think we all need to remember that. When people put there thought's on this site they are asking for others oppion.. and that takes courage. (A courage I do not have which is why I will never post anything on this site.) When someone shares a poem they are asking for criticism... but that doesn't mean when critiszing you have to be rude. Who can tell a person how you feel by by polite! So just remember this please!

Yeah, well that's just bollocks, isn't it? What an incredibly narrow concept of poetry. Such melodramatic ideas as 'soul' aren't needed to say what poetry is.

You just said that. Do you feel hurt when people criticise your poetry? I do not feel hurt when people criticise mine. Perhaps you post poetry as some sort of life-affirming experience, or as therapy, or to gain approval. Otherwise I cannot see why you would be hurt. I will hit you with the cat and mother if you post that comment again.

Anotherday242: on your profile it says you signed up to receive comments by e-mail, but you posted no poetry. So you can't. Post something.

Swishy24 I am so sorry I criticized your work of genius and forced you to take your poem of the site and run and tell mother. However, it sucked. I cannot change the way I feel, and I think what I said about the poem was extremely constructive and poignant. See, I am not fighting my hormones and contemplating suicide at every step so I can write deep dark sentimental poor me sap. My poems involve skill that you would not even begin to understand because you are still reading Judy Blume and Harry Potter books. Hone your skills in puberty and then come back and post. I am tired of reading crap. And one last note: I did not give you a 0. It was not worth rating by number in my opinion. Someone else must love your work also. As for Anotherday, shut up if you do not post. Get some thick skin. "Oh poetry is about sharing and caring and expressing your soul" Please, start reading serious poets and quit wasting our time.

there you go, p&k, using the banal or your steel again

If I were you commenting on this poem, P&K, I would, 'oh another poem about urban American working folk. Bored again. Yawn'. It seems that we all have our favourite little subjects doesn't it? It's called experience and observation from our lives. But as I'm not you I won't draw attention to such a blindingly obvious point and then pretend that it's a crucial critical insight. Instead I shall say I like this, including the 'cat and mother'. But you need to put some birds in it...

wow, very intense. impressive. definite 10.

Whilst mother copulated with the stray dogs no doubt, using her grecian urn as a receiver-you can do batter(sic) than this-3/10

no wait its sardonic humour

wow! 10/15 aint bad..not bad, but dude does it ever bother you that you have the face of a mud snorting pig and the ass of a lowland mountain guerilla...i mean just an observation...you just keep getting more predictable by the fucking minute..un-fucking-believable, you must sleep well at night, tell your little toadies i said hello, and feel fortunate i didn't squat down here and take a twelve foot shit and play with it for about an hour, and start doing my new chick chick shaw chick sha-doobie shaw rap...it's dope and would leave you calling your "peeps", to adjust your votes, not that you don't every day anyway for no apparent reason other than the fact that your a fucking hack..i use to have respect for you man, but what? that's wasn't enough..you have to go and take the worst year out of my life, and say i'm making it up...then turn around and have your whore friends start fucking with the only good things in my life..you think that's fucking funny? you think i didn't have a shit life... FUCK YOU MAN! I WAS RAISED IN A TRAILOR WITH MY GRANDMOTHER....SHE WOULD MAKE ME GET OUT OF BED EVERY HOUR AND CHANGE THE CHANNEL ON THE TV AND MAKE HER A SCREWDRIVERs...SO DON'T FUCK WITH ME MAN...DON'T GO THERE1 ha...just..chicky shawing, but in actuallity growing up in a bad neighbor hood and getting accidentally shot (his horror story, so now we know what's wrong with you, you got shot in the head tsk tsk..no wonder) is quite trite compared to me and my crew my home boy 'chuckles' his parents have been divorced seven times each man...he's just waiting for me to unlock him...easy chuckles whoa boy....

Heh, PK, you're top division. Great stuff. No quarrel with it. 9

is it...could it be?...no it couldn't!, but yes..once again 'not confessionally confessional poetry', by none other than..? you got it mr. poetry. not just any normal poem boys and girls but a riveting american staple that you to can purchase at wallmart in the form of a taxidermied mallard with a brass enscribed plaque. thanks uncle charlie! i'll put it right next to the rocket i built last week...say,,will you fire her off with my at the play ground this afternoon uncle charlie..that'd be swell.l

Daysleeper, DAY-AY-SLEEEEPER