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The Snowglobe (Free verse) by josh_5o Up and down and all around
her hand shakes the snowglobe.
Snow that for years layed on the ground
is now in midair drifting.
Life that has slept within the town inside
now makes snowmen with the white flakes.
All has fallen, the town rests again
never again to be woken except by anothers hand.
Up and down and all around
her hand shakes his heart.
Feelings that none had yet found
now overflow, for his heart had been ripped apart.
Love that was stored deep inside
now unvieled and has nothing to hide.
All has receeded, the feelings rest again
never again to be woken except by anothers hand.
Up the ladder:
Screw u all!
Down the ladder:
The Tide
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: July 19, 2002 9:39 AM PDT; Last modified: July 19, 2002 9:39 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.7310586 Overall Rank: 11821 Comments:
[8]
forestchild7 @ 216.77.216.8
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19-Jul-02/3:18 PM
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Reply
sad but good...
Newness.
The writing is too simplistic. The comparison between the snow globe/heart is good, but you need more discriptive words. Use less of these words: again, for, had, has, that,the,was. These words are to be avoided whenever possible. For example: line 6- Makes white flake snowmen- can replace the entire sentence. keep trying.
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