I think I suffer from wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone wrote like me syndrome. This poem for example, I know what your talking about but I crave the details. I want metaphors, like, niave as turnips,in my poem. Your angel sleeps like......what? I know you could come up with something lovely. The emotions are there but I want more substance.

Yeah this was not really a good one to post as it was based on a specific event in my life and the parts that are obvious to me are probably not to others. It was an attempt at irony as the 'angel' concerned worked in an office called 'comparisons'. But don't hold back be brutal if you must I don't look for tit for tat praise.

Can I get back to you in a minute, I'm trying to understand what's going on with dark angel. I don't want to ignore you

Wait one second this Angel's working, in the poem it says sh'es sleeping I' confuseded. Please explain.

Sorry GW gotta go it's 4:30am here , need my beauty sleep will speak to you and explain tomorrow.Night night anagram.

I think this is too specific to you anagram, there's lots of emotion here but it doesn't really seem solid to me, though I like your circular structure.

On second look these semm like beginnings of sentences. If your still fond of this one maybe you could finish some of these sentences and what you make of it.

Sorry don't do the re-write thing.Once it's down dated and signed that's it for me.Know this isn't whats going to provide the best work ever but I am with those who say that if you think to hard about it the idea wasn't any good in the first place.

But it's never good in the first place. Think of it. The first time you made love. Now compare that to what you're capable of now. I go through hell with my poems. Don't think I just toss those out. Some come easy like Monica, but I still have to sit with them and work them through. It's worth it.

My dear GW trust me it is patently obvious that a lot of deep thought and effort go into your works. Just that I have never considered writing my main hobby, I just write it occasionally when something either gets me down or really makes me happy or if I'm asked to pen some suitable words for a friends/family occasion, I have also been known to offer something up for nephews to use in school exams and the like but football (not US) is my real passion, music and pub quizzes also.It may be that one day I will take my own poetry more seriously but not just yet.I actually joined this site looking for inspiration but so far that has only came from yourself and one or two others. For the most part I enjoy reading the comments more than the poems(yours excluded).All that 'we're the greatest' and 'You're not worthy' crap splits my sides, especially when it is the so called adults talking to 14 year olds, touches left right and centre but is their ever a victory when the opposition are children.However I will keep in mind all that you say and would appreciate your thoughts on some of the others I have posted and not just the one that I consider the weakest.(Not that the others are literary masterpieces).

Pub quizzes, you like pub quizzes. I???m coming over and we are going out tonight. I ???am the greatest??? at pub quizzes. Fuck poetry, fuck the 14 year old angst, I???m going drinking with the anagram.

Sorry P&K just back from one which we lost (something of a rarity)could have done with your help.Long drive home though.However suitably full of the frothy stuff so a good time was had nonetheless.

Incidently just read your cancer Haikus after pub quiz comments,not relevant really but I do these quizzes with my mate who has brain cancer at 39 and a couple of months to live.Just found it a bit eerie that I should come across this poem after remarking about the pub quiz.

I am sorry to hear that anagram, I really am. I have a lot to say on the subject, but am just finding ways to say it. Wish him a few more pub quizzes and many more frothy pints.

Hey no problem P&K was not looking for sympathy vote, just thought it was a bit strange.Been diagnosed a few months now and all are just getting on with it.Will pass on your thoughts which I'm sure will be well received.Puts things into perspective though to be so close.

Replied to your previous comment on this the other night but then realised you were gone for a day or so, so saved the comment and will repost it now.Don't know if you got the reply when you asked 'she was sleeping now she works'I did post it as promised the next day but I can't find it now.If you are interested I will try and re-post

M
My dear GW trust me it is patently obvious that a lot of deep thought and effort go into your works. Just that I have never considered writing my main hobby, I just write it occasionally when something either gets me down or really makes me happy or if I'm asked to pen some suitable words for a friends/family occasion, I have also been known to offer something up for nephews to use in school exams and the like but football (not US) is my real passion, music and pub quizzes also.It may be that one day I will take my own poetry more seriously but not just yet.I actually joined this site looking for inspiration but so far that has only came from yourself and one or two others. For the most part I enjoy reading the comments more than the poems(yours excluded).All that 'we're the greatest' and 'You're not worthy' crap splits my sides, especially when it is the so called adults talking to 14 year olds, touches left right and centre but is their ever a victory when the opposition are children.However I will keep in mind all that you say and would appreciate your thoughts on some of the others I have posted and not just the one that I consider the weakest.(Not that the others are literary masterpieces).

Painfully obvious? Oh no! As for Futbol, which I was born to love and appreciate. It's the only thing my people have left, and even that's questionable.(See Argentina, World Cup 2002) it has the true poetry of every physical endeavor. I wish I could see you play. As for your practising writing as well as your touches, it is precisely because your loved-ones rely on you for their rituals and scholastics that you might want to pay a little more attention to this talent of yours. Their world will be bettered, because they read something beautiful you wrote. That has far more meaning then anything they might read from a book. It would belong them.

I said 'patently obvious' not painfully.Anyway my loved ones do not need me to be brilliant, just entertaining enough to appear so.Need to chat about football soon though. I do not have great memories of Argentina in football terms (World Cup 1978) but my great hero Mr. Mercury was very popular there I understand.Anyway I'm going to write my happy poem now to detract from the barrage of attacks you are having to deal with.Hang on in there girl.

Oh I should have added, hats off to Diego for 'The hand of god' memory and most pleasant event of the 80s for most Scots.

No, no, no not brilliant but beautiful. Just as you need them to be. Mr. Mercury? I'm embarrassed to say I haven't a clue. I was suppose to go see the Los Angeles Galaxy tonight but I'm nursing a fever and sniffles. The Rose Bowl is situated in a canyon and it's cold at night, regardless of what the day time temp.

No no to you too! Mr.Mercury is not football but the one and only Freddie Mercury of Queen as in 'I Want To Break Free' which I believe was very popular in Argentina.

Oh and by the way I've posted my happy poem so come ahead and eat me alive - I can take it.