Re: Intense Irrational Realities by Venus	31-Aug-02/1:07 PM
Much improved. Get rid of 'Is it' in line 3 and line 7,'it's' in line 11. Last line should echo first, 'DOES it resemble mine' Great you've done a terrific job of editing. Now the subject of the poem has a larger scope, and really could be anything. 8
Re: 9/11 by TheDevil	31-Aug-02/12:59 PM
I like Mickey Mouse/ Mickey's a damn cool mouse/ Fuck Magic Mountain.---I like The Devil/ The Devil's a damn cool guy/Fuck Yahweh to hell--- I like poemranker/ Poemranker's a damn cool thing/ Fuck poet.com to hell. and so on and so on.....Yawn.
Re: 9/11 by TheDevil	31-Aug-02/12:42 PM
The reason this poem stinks is because it says nothing. Nothing about the character who's expressing himself. Nothing about Osama and nothing about the U.S. It's simplistic and ignorant in it's structure. You could be talking about anybody or anything. I like Henry Ford/Henry ford's a damn cool guy/ Fuck riding a bike. Big deal. You want to push people's buttons? Do it with something of merit. You are boring.
Re: Billy Bytack Forces His Children To Sell Jesus by horus8	31-Aug-02/12:29 PM
Difficult for me to vote on your poems. As an exercise in writing they rank high, but as something finished they do not. You've got plenty of accurate imagery, but what the specific point and/or points are is never clear. I keep looking for some insight on lust because of the title but I find none. I don't mind someone mixing metaphors,but yours change from line to line, and I can't follow. I believe art has a duty to be iconoclastic, but for me it seems you use the absurd image for masturbatory reasons rather then for expression. For example ---One-eyed crossaint butterer-- just appears to be more of a statemnet about how clever you are then a statement about class or society, or anything else for that matter. That entire stanza reminds me of deep-fried beaver pellets stuffed with chocolate ice-cream covered sardines. I mean yah, that's some impressive cooking. but who's gonna be satisfied? You have above average talent and obviously have your finger on the pulse of invisible forgotten realties, but you don't make enough sense. Again as an exercise in writing this gets a 10, but as far as being poetic it rates a 4.
Re: Pedophile by Lenore	29-Aug-02/10:05 AM
It's complicated because you've set up a rythmn. I think you would have to start a completely different poem, maybe a companion to this one. Don't worry about the rhymning or the rythmn. Right down some images some genuine Lenore thoughts about the subject. Then we can work them out. Be sincere with yourself. Imagine the situation and react to it in a real way. Unfortunately I have to get off. I'm going on a trip. But i'll be back in 3 days. I'd love to see what you come up with just raw and unstylized. Talk with you then.
Re: Intense Irrational Realities by Venus	29-Aug-02/9:51 AM
Since I don't know what your talking about(of course my mind's in the gutter) it's hard for me to appreciate all your imagery. But I'm just happy to see images and metaphor. --Winslow cradled... is my favorite of these. I wish I knew what you are talking about.
Re: The Hand of God by Christof	29-Aug-02/9:44 AM
That would be an honor. Can you send me some of your poems so I can start working on it. I think your e-mails posted isn't it?
Re: Pedophile by Lenore	29-Aug-02/9:41 AM
This is really poignant. No joke. You've got the elements and the child being twisted into a monster and then hated by society is sad reality. I work with at risk youth. It's so complicated. I look in some of their eye's sometimes and just for a second there's this flash of knowing it's over for them. Some of the lines are still too simple. I think you could do more with this one. 7
Re: The Hand of God by Christof	29-Aug-02/9:33 AM
Firstly I love this poem because it sets you up for the punch line and then actually delivers. Secondly there's alot of images and I love images. Wall and chink./wound which it inflicts. Are great images for God, but sand moulded bt faith, is completely brilliant. I voted earlier but I'll vote again 8
Re: Petrarchan Sonnet about Love by emilyowey	29-Aug-02/9:13 AM
This isn't bad it does have a few things holding it back. you can get rid of the Ands altogether. Then you can expand the to've into to have. I enjoy the lines --we give ourselves away...---For love and I ... Personally I've never tried coing that whole abbaabb..thing so you get points for accomplishing that. I still think it could be better. 6
Re: Enslaved by Twisted Wizard	28-Aug-02/11:12 PM
There's a shot you can get for this, or you can take antibiotics for 10 days. the county clinic will treat you for free.
Re: mine own battle: by Sapphire	28-Aug-02/10:58 PM
Fizz of fear? Really. Fizz of fear?
Re: To Dwell For Freedom by devotedwonder	28-Aug-02/10:49 PM
I didn't know convicts had access to the net.
Re: Until Then by Katie	28-Aug-02/6:41 PM
Night, bright, shore, more, land, sand, away, away, away. Katie, plain and simple.
Re: Comparisons by anagram	28-Aug-02/6:25 PM
But it's never good in the first place. Think of it. The first time you made love. Now compare that to what you're capable of now. I go through hell with my poems. Don't think I just toss those out. Some come easy like Monica, but I still have to sit with them and work them through. It's worth it.
Re: Comparisons by anagram	28-Aug-02/5:07 PM
On second look these semm like beginnings of sentences. If your still fond of this one maybe you could finish some of these sentences and what you make of it.
Re: Too far by heroditus	28-Aug-02/4:57 PM
I'm enjoying this intil --and choice cannot choose. --He knows that in choosing pain always wins. Is excellent. At this point a 4. Because you can do better.
Re: The Hand of God by Christof	28-Aug-02/9:12 AM
Are you published? Have you self published? I'm interested in having some of your poems in a proper book I can read.
Re: Awesome Heir by Shin-Bojangles	28-Aug-02/12:09 AM
Good night Aragon, goodnight Zee, goodnight Shin, oh and by the way congradulations on this triumph of a comments section! Your 14 syllables have inspired an epic. I'd give you a 10 but it would be a shame to add votes to this masterpiece.
Re: Fetch by Limness	27-Aug-02/11:49 PM
He's a flea ridden mongrel, his fart's make me weep, he's licking his balls all night long, I can't sleep!