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Free verse № 11856

Until Then

by Katie

Member since 2002 · Posted 28 Aug 2002 · 7 comments

Take me back to nowhere and lay me by your side, and talk of things you've seen in dreams gone by. A lauging wind, a sunlit smile, a broken sky to mend, a distant shore, Till theres no more. When the night reveals the day, We'll sail away, To a distant land, with glistening sand, until then, we'll sail away, far away, into our dreams, that shine so bright, as the stars at night, Untill then we'll sail away, Far away.

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23 votes so far. Yours would make 24.23 votes so far

7 comments

[2] god'swife 28-Aug-02/6:41 PM Reply
Night, bright, shore, more, land, sand, away, away, away. Katie, plain and simple.
[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 28-Aug-02/7:04 PM Reply
Well fucking sail away then. Or do whatever it is you have to do before you can sail away. Is this supposed to be "meaningful"? There are about 9,000,000,000,000,000 instances of writing in the world that consist of nothing but a) vague, childlike, pseudo-dreamlike imagery, b) line breaks and c) a few half-arsed attempts at rhyme, and call themselves "poems". Other people then go on to call these instances of writing "beautiful", because they apparently think that anything that's vaguely sentimental and meaningless enough to be open to their particular wish-fulfilment interpretation is "beautiful". I believe this is one of those instances. 10/10!!!
[7] Christof 29-Aug-02/8:40 AM Reply
This is pure escapism, but it is lovely and wistful
[6] kawakurdi 6-Sep-02/9:00 AM Reply
Clarity is important for a good poem and you have it.

The first line has a contradiction nowhere/by your side. Better to say: Take me back to nowhere as long as you..etc.
Then the poem shoud end at line 6. Delete the rest. It is all boring repitition.
[6] kawakurdi 6-Sep-02/9:03 AM Reply
Clarity is important for a good poem, and you have it.
The first line has a contradiction: nowhere/by your side.
Better to say: as long as by your side.
The poem nicely finishes at line 6. The rest is boring repetition. Delete it.
[0] poetandknowit 6-Sep-02/10:39 AM Reply
Another Lite Brite poem from the youngster class. Everything about this poem is boring, but considering the age of the Arteest, I suppose I should find it shear genius. But trite is trite. Sorry.
[10] Stephen Robins 2-Oct-03/1:46 AM Reply
I have just shot blood all over my screen - if I come again my colon will attempt to pop out through my Japs eye. But fuck this poetry is fucking great.