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The Order Of Things (Free verse) by Mr Pig
I climbed the jagged trellis at the back of the Windmill, Sat in the wheat room to read ‘Wuthering Heights’, I could hear the broken sails move from uneven weight, Tragically oscillating like a pendulum, And on the floor were tabards covered in the ashes of failure, Sweat dripped down my eyebrows slowing its fall, The heat was tangible even at dusk. Outside was the decrepit farmer, Bowing his head at the smell of his jaded harvest, Then hurling his scythe into a glistening carcase. I sat there watching death everywhere, Daytime, harvest, Heathcliff, spirit, But amidst this pain was something spectacular, The sun was bowing to the coronation of night, Absorbed upon candy coloured clouds, That moved like an inferno of chariots. The Farmer called his Sheepdog, And as he ran the corn folded, Jumping up playfully to his unaffectionate owner, But the Farmer beat him back down with a stick. Upon cascading pylons, The Blackbirds took nocturnal residence, As sparrows headed for the solace of sycamore, I thought to myself as I watched in the wheat room, Everything has an order, a balance, And then in the heart of these badlands, As day was given last rites, I drank a glass of Sauvignon, And opened Wuthering Heights.

Up the ladder: Never Alone at Night
Down the ladder: Until Then

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 82
.. 51
.. 31
.. 20
.. 01
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 11
.. 01
.. 62

Arithmetic Mean: 6.111111
Weighted score: 6.110974
Overall Rank: 1122
Posted: May 20, 2003 4:20 AM PDT; Last modified: May 20, 2003 4:32 AM PDT
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Comments:
[10] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.102 | 20-May-03/6:28 AM | Reply
From a poetic standpoint: tangible(comma)even
drop the (but)last line of s-2. I read this aloud and almost cried. I think this is destined to knock me off.
I'm inspired to do some houscleaning on "tingling".
[8] richa @ 195.92.168.177 | 20-May-03/10:11 AM | Reply
Bold as ever, perhaps a little alice in wonderland in its focus on detail and fantasy
Perhaps try making it a bit shorter brevity and wit and all
[10] Mona Lisa @ 195.92.168.167 | 20-May-03/11:29 AM | Reply
Beautifuly written, the attention to detail is astounding and I loved the message here and I think we miss it in our everyday lives, I love the way you write, are you married?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 > Mona Lisa | 21-May-03/2:06 PM | Reply
I think there are a lot of important messages we miss in our daily lives. In these troubled times of war and uncertainty, we are so often concerned with living from day to day that we forget to stop and discover the simple facts of love, hope and faith that are right under our noses. What do you think?
[n/a] Mr Pig @ 195.92.168.168 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 21-May-03/3:27 PM | Reply
I totally agree. I have just watched the most poignant film about sacrifice (war to end all wars) we should embrace our freedom so many died under extreme suffering to give to us. We have become tragicaly materialist and I appreciate your comment. There is so much more depth to you than I envisaged. Peace be with you.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 > Mr Pig | 22-May-03/10:57 AM | Reply
Well, a lot of people think of me as just a one-dimensional poet who only writes about shallow themes like feces and homelessness. But if you think about it, those are themes that can be very relevant to modern life if portrayed in a mature and responsible way. It's only the people who stop at the surface of my poetry that tend to become angry and confused, when if they'd just open their hearts, they just might find I have some important things to say.

It is indeed sad that we've become so materialistic over the past few years. I remember a time when people cared about core values and simpler truths, but with the advent of violence in the media, and toys made of plastics instead of traditional woods, I truly we feel have lost something important and innocent from the fabric of daily society. Jesu be with you.
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 28-May-03/11:50 AM | Reply
lol
[5] god'swife @ 205.188.209.40 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 11-Jun-03/10:07 PM | Reply
Hahaaaaaaaa!!! Oh my God, see, THIS is exactly what I'm talking about. You're fucking brilliant and I love you.
[10] scitz @ 195.92.168.166 | 20-May-03/11:42 AM | Reply
What can I say huh? this is what you do best and its a silky read your a true maestro at this stuff, fuck the haiku stick to freeform this is where your awesome. Aint Cathy a bitch ?

[9] deleted user @ 63.237.171.111 | 20-May-03/1:03 PM | Reply
Anyway, back to voting, and this is a joy to vote on. Classically and sensativelly comfortable. Made me feel contented somehow.
[9] Shardik @ 24.126.113.154 | 20-May-03/3:24 PM | Reply
Yes.

"carcase."? carcass.
[n/a] Mr Pig @ 195.92.168.165 > Shardik | 20-May-03/3:35 PM | Reply
Thank you, how embarressing on my part. Did you like it Shardik?
[9] Shardik @ 24.126.113.154 > Mr Pig | 21-May-03/12:48 PM | Reply
Yes, I think you are a gifted writer to be blunt, and the piece is gloriously descriptive and layered.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 | 21-May-03/2:04 PM | Reply
Please write more about the decrepit farmer and his jaded harvest. What sort of hat was he wearing? Was his face rotting away underneath it? Feel. Explore.
[10] maffy @ 195.92.168.166 | 22-May-03/2:53 AM | Reply
Beautifully observed and usual a pristine work from you Mr Pig. Full marks to you.
[n/a] dougsoderstrom @ 207.80.112.1 | 23-May-03/1:16 PM | Reply
Read Soderstrom's new poem (Theology)----it's great!
[0] deleted user @ 81.86.208.92 | 3-Jun-03/5:36 AM | Reply
wow. great work. 10.
[10] maffy @ 62.105.88.10 | 6-Jun-03/9:09 AM | Reply
8 take it or leave it Mister
[n/a] Christof @ 217.44.71.83 | 9-Jun-03/8:02 AM | Reply
Olve the atmospher, the old farmer and all... I think it's possibly a little too preciously descriptive for my tastes, especially the clouds, but I'm an curmudgeonly old puritan about things like adverbs and adjectives. The casual cruelty of the farmer is very Heathcliffian in a bathetic kind of way. A nice touch.
[n/a] Christof @ 217.44.71.83 > Christof | 9-Jun-03/8:02 AM | Reply
'Love the atmosphere', that's supposed to say.
[5] god'swife @ 205.188.209.135 | 11-Jun-03/10:04 PM | Reply
I feel constipated.
[7] Jill Stockinger @ 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 | 27-Dec-20/3:41 PM | Reply
Some good lines!
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