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Until Then (Free verse) by Katie

Take me back to nowhere and lay me by your side, and talk of things you've seen in dreams gone by. A lauging wind, a sunlit smile, a broken sky to mend, a distant shore, Till theres no more. When the night reveals the day, We'll sail away, To a distant land, with glistening sand, until then, we'll sail away, far away, into our dreams, that shine so bright, as the stars at night, Untill then we'll sail away, Far away.

kawakurdi 6-Sep-02/9:00 AM
Clarity is important for a good poem and you have it.

The first line has a contradiction nowhere/by your side. Better to say: Take me back to nowhere as long as you..etc.
Then the poem shoud end at line 6. Delete the rest. It is all boring repitition.




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