What? no drows?

shouldn't 'sweet' be SWEET?

Drows?! What the hell?! I'm enraged and chagrinned. Mostly chagrinned. Jessum crow... don't confuse crappy DnD Haikus with crappy TOLKIEN Haikus. There's a subtle difference. And yes, it probably should've been SWEET... but remember that Aragorn is the subtle kind of sweet. What with the scruff and all.

Totally sweet. Legolas is prettier, but Aragorn....

I fucking hate elves.

But they're so hot..

What, because they're aloof, sensitive, androgynous pussies? How silly of me not to notice sooner.

YES, doddammit. and pointy. and skinny. Elves=hot.

Hey, Tolkien elves are by no means pussies. Aloof and sensitive yes, but you cross an elf and you're gonna find yourself under 20 tons of hot Elven smackdown before you can say "Liv Tyler". Plus, said elf is VERY likely to be quite classy in demonstrating his or her non-puss nature, and despite the fact that you would be opressed by such large quantities of elven smackdown, you'd still be thinking, "Hmm... elegant, yet fierce; a triumph of whoop-ass."

hey you stupid little penis bearing bigots. My pussy would eat you alive, and then spit our your osteoporitic bones!

Hmmm. Wouldn't be a bad way to die?

Actually, there's no need for pluralization on "Bigot" there, since only one person used the word in a derogatory sense... All I said is that elves aren't pussies, which is a pretty plain fact. Though I obviously insinuated use of the word in the same sense, I think I've sucessfully lawyered my way out of any guilt. I'm going to go wash.

God's wife: lighten the fuck up. cocks are nice, cocks are useful. Saying that people are "penis-bearers" as an insult is just as idioitic and backwards as calling you a stupid, bigoted cunt. I am calling you the first two. You make all feminism look bad.

D.A. d.a darkangel dumbass; androgynous pussies?! you're an idiot. As for being labeled I am not a feminist or any other kind of ist. I love testosterone! I just bel;ieve in the right to rebuttal

to razorthin I am far from boring and i don't need to "lighten up" I have just the right height/weight ratio. penis bearer is not an insult, little penis bearer is. Maybe it's YOU who are taking my comments to seriously perhaps this is my evil attempt at humor.

razorgirlie I am not, have not, and will not ever be a feminist. you are the reason why.

Whatever anyone's attempting, Shut up if you're not talking about Aragorn or Aragorn-related issues!

And I am saying fucking welcome!!

geez people...it's the orc who died not our ability to be heavy handed wit spilling creationalists! can't we all just get a thong...then dance for monopoly money and beernuts...love thy neighbors...man, woman, dwarf, orc, black, white,fat, slight,philopino, and or dog eating ass wipes...hug eachother...smile more...what the hell lets twelve step ourselves back to that happy place in our minds...then...ATTACK! ATTACK! DIE TALENTLESS CADS! YOU ARE ALL UNWORTHY....bow to the toe nailed vulva...yes bow to the cat gut sewn polish rectum....bobby pin the scrotum...then tell me again how much you love me....there..i feel better!..how about you all?

Gadzooks, can't we all agree that Aragorn is totally sweet and be done with it. As for the "little" comment, god's wife, though I cannot speak for the others, Shin-bojangles doesn't fit on that list.

Shin-Bojangles: It doesn't matter whether elves are, "in fact", the most dangerous things on the face of the earth. Males with pointy ears who gallop around on horses and sing about Elbereth are pussies in my book. Think about it; if any human males did it in the actual world then they would undoubtedly be pussies (other things being equal). The world Ultimate Fighting champion would be a pussy if he wore a velvet dress on weekends and sang along to Cyndi Lauper in a karaoke bar. My point is that being a pussy can shine through even in the face of fighting ability. And I'm really, really, really, really sorry if someone objects to my use of the term "pussies", but it's a perfectly standard use of the word, and unless you can think of a better way to convey the idea then stop bitching. But aside from the fact that they're pussies, I don't think I'd be thinking anything about their elegantness or fierceness. The "contrast" of "elegant" and "fierce" is possibly one of the least interesting things ever. What is people's obsession with trite "constrasts"? I swear sometimes I think I'm going to explode. Powerful yet gentle. Innocent yet wicked. Elegant yet fierce. It's not that amazing. It's a common occurrence for something to have apparently-contrasting properties, especially in wish-fulfilment fiction (not that I'm saying LOTR is wish-fulfilment fiction. Just that a lot of people treat it that way). Why this is seen as so 'special' or 'magical' or 'beautiful' or 'wonderful' (not that you implied any of those things) is beyond me. I can of course see why it's appealing, and I think I can see why people become obsessed with things that incorporate particular kinds of contrasts, but "elegant yet fierce" is something straight out of a 14-year-old girl's diary, and for grown men and women to obsess over elves just because they're "elegant yet fierce" is insane. And, of course, they're fictional, which is another reason why it's so despicable. As for you, you silly tart god'swife: if you aren't another one of horus8's incredibly stimulating alter egos, allow me to explain something to you: I was well aware of the semantic tension between 'androgynous' and 'pussies'. I left it in because a) the use of the word 'pussies' is non-literal, b) the sex organs of the female are not themselves male or female, and c) I didn't think anyone would do anything so incredibly facile as point out the tension. My mistake.

Mr Shin Bojangles your haiku is obscure enough to be unrecognizable. Sorry for using up your space to post my oppinions on the mis-use of the word pussy. So many of the postings seem to be tongue-in-cheek and humorously absurd I thought it would be fun to challenge some of the natives. Again, please forgive. As for you dark angel I am no ones alter ego. The use of the word pussy to discribe someone who is afeminite or cowardly is as absurd as using the word dick to discribe a jerk or an idiot. And yes Virginia the sex organs are MALE and/or FEMALE. Thank you for calling me a silly tart, that's a fun kinda girl to be. But I will have to beat you latter. Why is it that you and all your male comrades can get on board and rave their ravings, but when I do, everyone of you pussies gets your panties up in a scrunchy bunch? If I sing to cyndi lauper at a Karaoke bar wearing a velvet dress can I be a pussy too? Final thought.

I expect my Final Thought to be "Oh *$@%!"... No swearing, I'll just say "Oh Asterisk Dollar-sign at-symbol percent!" Anyway...

Dark- Ok, so elves live in the trees and look like Leonardo DeCaprio. You would too if it would get you elvan booty. So maybe they are a touch puss, but the point is... I forget what the point was... the point now is Liv Tyler is hot, and Aragorn's got all o' that (as they say), ergo, he is sweet (and he didn't even have to put on a dress or braid his hair or anything, hence he must be SUPER sweet).

God's- Ok, I don't really care if rambling sets in... it's just fun to be all "Shut up and talk about my poem guys!". You know? Though I really don't agree that the Haiku's that obscure... there's a pretty big fan base for them books, doncha know? And the 'Feature Motion Picture' and all...
Less obscure than a poem with no clear meaning (not a bad thing, but a common one... for me anyway) in a sense... since the meaning is quite clear (Aragorn is sweet).

Razor- No talking about my penis.

Ok! That's that. Pretty soon I'll make a sequel I'm sure... Look for "Gandalf is real smart" soon.

The use of the word "pussy" to describe (etc...) it may be absurd, but it fills a gap in the language that no other word easily fills. Being a pussy is not the same as being effeminate or cowardly. Calling someone a dick is equally "valid". About the 'men rant and rave but don't like it when women do it' bit. Where did you get that idea from? Some of the most amusing 'rants' on this site are from 'razorgrin', berating someone's adolescent folly. More to the point, one correct response to a rant is a rant, so I'm not sure why you thought I (or whoever) was 'upset' by responding to your rant with a rant.

And no, the sex organs are not male or female in the same sense that humans are male or female. Otherwise sex organs would have sex organs. Can you imagine the horror?

Glad my rants are appreciated.Genitals with genders are scary. "Oh my gawd, my dick has a clit!"

Razorgrin, was your comment just a weird coincidence, or did you, too, see a TV programme about women changing into men and taking hormones so that their clitorises grew into monstrous quasi-penises? One of them said, in a horrible androgynous voice, "It's not quite a clit, it's not quite a dick. I call it my clitdick."

coincidence, but now i think I want to see it. I once started a short story about a girl who grew a penis out of her elbow..

Just out of curiosity... is there one hell of a big Tolkien-loving contingent on poemranker? I never got into the habit after reading The Hobbit and now I seem to be missing out on something. Aragorn for instance - what?

the hobbit is a badtime story, compared to LOTR. give yourself a nice little treat, and read it.

I didn't even see the film. How ignorant of me.

Sex organs are classified as either male or female or both. that's how it's done you idiots. I happen to have a degree in guess what? sexuality. It's what i do professionally (and as a hobby). I'm serious it's what I talk about all day long. Any questions? My dog are you folks un-informed. i mean this is basic you boy me girl why? because you have a penis and testicles and I have a vagina, uterus, and clitoris etc., when the coroner cuts you open and takes a look at your insides he will speak into the tape-recorder and say; reproductive organs female and/or male.

Monsieur Bojangles, It does not matter how many nerdlings love Mr Tolkiens trilogy. It is still ubscure and inless you read it at a star trek convention most will not understand. I do believe in elves though.

An organ only has a gender of its own if you get down to the chromosomes. The shape of it is what identifies you as a boy or a lady. Even that is a fuzzy definition if you get into hermaphroditism and its variants. Gender: ya got meaty bits 'tween ya legs. take a guess and have fun with 'em.

god'swife, I don't think you quite see the point I am making. The point is this (correct me if I get any of it wrong): there is a property called "gender" which most humans have. This property commonly has the value 'male' or 'female'. This property is, I believe, a composite property, consisting of among other things, hormone levels, type of reproductive organs, etc. Now clearly this property is not one than can be had by sex organs. There is another property which also commonly takes the values 'male' and 'female', and this property applies to sex organs. But clearly the properties are not the same. That is all I am saying. I am not saying anything like "there aren't male and female sex organs". Do you see?

you are a bright boy. You've got it almost right, and since we don't talk about sexuality openly in our culture you get extra special praise for even attempting to understand. Here goes. Our gender is determined at the time of our birth by our sex organs. the dr. looks down and says this kids got a willy he's a he. But occasionally mistake are made. Their is our orientation which is either hetero, homo, or bi. There is our identity which lies on a continuum between male and female. For example I may have male sex organs but identify with females and consider my self as such. Or vice versa. Androgenous people identify with both groups and are the happiest. There is also a genetic identity XX girl XY boy. Verey rarely there are males who have XX chromosones but only there genetic specialist knows their little secret you would not be able to tell either upclose our at a distance. Elves are another story. I know thy are as a rule adrogenous at least the tolkien kind, but I've never seen their plumbing.

oops i forgot to sum it all up. I have female sex organs. My gender is female. If I identify with males I may consider my self a male but my actual gender remaions female. Ican havr my clit surgically inlarge but I can't have my vagina sewn shut enless I have my reproductive organs removed. Which can be done but is exceedingly rare. My chromosones will remain XX so clinically my gender is still female. Gender is a clinical word. Identity is used in the socio/psycho construct.

Jesus Christ, woman! Will you stop making the same point over and over and actually read what I said? I am NOT making any sort of point about gender identity. I am not attempting to give you my views on what makes a person male or female. I am making the extremely simple point that ALTHOUGH SEX ORGANS CAN BE 'MALE' OR 'FEMALE' IN ONE SENSE, IT IS NOT THE SAME SENSE IN WHICH ANIMALS ARE 'MALE' OR 'FEMALE'. I am a male. My sex organs, however, are not males. They are 'male sex organs', but that's not to say that they're sex organs that are male. In the same way, to say that something's a fake Picasso is not to say it's a Picasso that is fake (it isn't a Picasso at all). French letters are not letters that are French. 'Male sex organs' just means those sex organs most associated with males, or at the very least it does not indicate that the sex organs themselves are 'male' in the same way that I am male. OK? Do you see what I am saying? I don't give two fucks about the ins and outs of gender identity in people; nor do I have any particular opinions on the subject.

Okay, you guys are starting to babble again, and it's much less interesting this time. I'm gonna have to put my foot down and re-instate the "Aragorn Only" subject matter clause. And don't think I won't...

Fart Angel you're a dick and a pussy.

god'swife, i'm sure when you have a special degree in gender identity, every discussion about sex must seem like a confusion in your specialist area. But that's no reason to use absurd words like "dick" and "pussy".

da. i'm leaving a vote and comment on this tarts fertile land for you referring to your latest epic sir choadk and such here it is, for some reason i couldn't leave it at the story, and it gobbled up my first brilliant comment, but i gave it a 10/10..it was delicious i wrote a brilliant comment for this da but the site red lined it..fuck...this is a work of staggering genius...i laughed for a fucking hour..sheer mastery..stupid enbrowned prawn operated (should keel haul a prawn for nudity in the next one) redlined computer errors any way you win the HORUS8 SHORT STORY OF ERROT FLYNNISM and chamber music madness...i had more fun reading this than anything in two months...you sir are dastardly and without limits! 10/10!s

What the hell are you talking about???
And you two up there! Stop arguing! Jessy Crow, you folx go through some fierce mood swings! Do you even know WHY you're arguing in even the most remote sense? Can you concieve of how fundamentally pointless and peripheral this dispute is? I mean, you're arguing over weather a dick is a man! What the hell??! Who cares!? The ORIGINAL statement which got all this gadding nonsense started was that "elves are androgynous pussies", which is an opinion, but one that is phrased in such a way to be intelligible by our language. There is nothing wrong with that statement on a pure, fundamental level. It makes sense. What is does NOT do, is beg any debates about the definition of sex organ gender. Cripes... I hate to be the whiney Mom on this, fellas, but the madness has to end. Obviously the "Aragorn Only" thing isn't gonna work out, which is nothing short of a big downer. Oh, and now that I'm riled up, two points, both for GodWife, there: One, I'm pretty sure Tolkien elves aren't ACTUALLY androgynous, I'm pretty sure there are distinct boy and girl elves. Two, you said up above that "Gender" is a clinical term? I THINK (I may be wrong) that "Sex" is actually the clinical term, where "Gender" referrs to the social baggage and all other more intangible aspects of one's man/womanness. ie- The male sex has a penis. The male gender always leaves the seat up.
Oh heaven... Quite a state of affairs isn't it? This is how we use the wonder of communication. I'm gonna go wash.

To little to late. It's been over for hours. Don't br such a dick.

Just kidding.... I'm sure you're a well ajusted man/boy/male Gender is all about organs and chromosones. SEXUALITY is everything else. Your SEXUALITY is diffucult to define, your gender is not either male/female/hermaphrodite that's it your limited to 3. pick one!

Ok. I'll futilly restate that I'm pretty sure it's the other way 'round, but it's strictly for the record.

hey razorbitch so you found this idiot somewhere and started fucking him did you, silly idea you stupid bitch hey was it actually that big or did it just feel that way because he was shoving it up your ass fuck you this poem's horrible and so are all of yours

hey razorbitch so you found this idiot somewhere and started fucking him did you, silly idea you stupid bitch hey was it actually that big or did it just feel that way because he was shoving it up your ass fuck you this poem's horrible and so are all of yours

Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. pity you lack the yarbles to post any of you no doubt fascinating works up for all of us to bask in your genius. yes I am involved with Mr. Bojangles, you pathetic litlle pissant, and I have been for longer than you have been in school, kid. Your "size" comments suggest that you have issues about your own little member. Don't worry, I'm sure there are some exercises you can do for that. I get the strong impression that you don't really talk to girls all that much, you have some anger issues that should really be worked on.What you don't seem to get (among many things) is that I made the comments which seem to enrage you so were not made seriously. You didn't say much about poems, though. You mostly directed your inarticulate wrath toward the fact that I'm getting some and you're not. i'm curious, why is it a silly idea to make love again?

Look, bitch, I don't post poems because I have never written any good ones, but unlike a lot of people, I'm aware of the fact. I like poetry too much to put up the little pieces of shit I wrote once because I don't want people to think that's what I think of poetry, I came on here because a friend mentioned it to me knowing that I like poetry and I thought it would be interesting to see what was being written these days, i was really dissapointed cause it's all real bad. You seem to think you're really intelligent and maybe you are, but being intellingent doesn't mean you have talent, maybe if you didn't write your poetry while fucking this guy you could read your handwriting and it might turn out better, there's nothing on this site but a pack of whiny teeny-boppers and goths, when you do something other than have your boyfriend's cock up your mouth you're probably just some goth mallrat, none of the poems here is even worth commenting on i haven't even voted on them because there's no point. Heh you're from canada i've read some canadian poets who are pretty good but you're not one of them, leonard cohen is cool and margaret atwood's not bad, and that Nolden guy is really good, i remember I read this book of modern canadian poetry not long ago, there was some guy in it called joe blade or something, he was pretty bad, but even he was better than you or any of the other stuff on here

Excuse me for intervening in here, but shut the fuck up, you driveling idiot and get off the sexually repressed soapbox. Bitch and moan all you want about Shin and razors utterly exposed sex life if you post something you fuck. If not, shut the hell up, because frankly you sound like some type of fool that has issues with your sexuality. Thus, you decided to come on this site with your once were warrior's hogwash and berate people who are actually trying to better themselves as poets. Granted there is a good deal of amateurish writing on this site, but there are also quite a few poets here with a good deal of talent. And you are obviously too narrow minded to see that. And for you to continue with this nonsensical drool regarding two people obviously fond of each with such vile and crude statements just leave. Because we have enough little dicked wonders (sorry Gods wife) on this site as it is. But at least they post and take the heat. You my friend simply hide behind your high school mannerisms without proving yourself. You weak-minded waste. So do not go fuck the world, just go fuck yourself.

yeah! bitch! "up your mouth"!???

Wow, it sure is nice to see my sex-life getting so much attention. Yessiree. I'd just like to point out that I COULD delete some of the above messages, but I think it's important for people to see just how stupid and misguided someone can be and still recognize the keys on the keyboard and use then to digitize thier thoughts. I'd also like to restate my bewonderment of our flagrantly hideous misuse of the marvel of international communication. But then... I was using it to post Tolkien Haikus... so...
Urrmmm... well, at least I was just trying to make people smile. I mean, why be cruel on the internet? Makes even less sense than being cruel in real life. I mean, what could a person possibly get out of such behavior? There's a question for ya'.

Dahling, you're still fixated upon my relationships. Why? Does it give you a thrill of some sort? You don't post your poems because as you put it, yours suck. I wouldn't know, but you're likely right. The Canada thing...Cohen is great, Atwood is crap and so is Nowlan (get the names you drop RIGHT, you illiterate boob). joe Blades lives down my street. he's pretentious and a shitty writer to boot. His girlfriend is really ugly (not that that has anything to do with anything). I do take offense to the goth thing, because I am for fucking sure not a goth. P&K: thanks. This kid does have issues with sexuality. I don't think our sex life is necessarily "utterly exposed", just stated that it's there. There are people here who are here to better themselves as writers and all this high school troglodyte is doing is childish name-calling for its own sake.

I object to the use of the term 'boob'. Please spell it 'b00b'.

okeydoo. Here, by special request: "b00b".

Never let it be said that I'm a total meanie.

Yahoo. I own the longest string of pointless blithering arguments... Yahoo.

and, let's not leave out the coalesced nonsequiters...OMG!! i just made it EVEN LONGER...

What's a nonsequiter? Or whatever...

something that makes no sense, coming from off the previous statement. my mom is a master of it: me: mom, what time are you coming over for dinner? mom: do you know if your father is going to grandpa's today? welcome to my world. 1 hour later, she'll call and ask what time she should come over.... if i could borrow aragorn, or even an orc...dinner is at 7...

Well, Aragorn might be busy saving the world or something... but I'd bet that he's sweet enough to manage both. He'd be like, "Hey 'Zina's Mom, make some sense already." and with his overwhelming sweetness she'd be compelled to obey. Then he'd like, totally wreck up on Sauron all over town. Or so I imagine...

dude, i could make a cake shaped like a dark fortress, and he could hack it to bits with Narsil

my mom would then thank him for helping her out--she prefers 'trifle' to actual cake; that's where you break it up and mix it in a bowl with coolwhip and pudding and skors bars... i don't thing he'd go for that. do you? he'd weep all over his glitt'ring blade...

And you can count the grief-wracked hobbits instead of sheep! Poor things... Gandalf was pretty smart y'know.

Good night Aragon, goodnight Zee, goodnight Shin, oh and by the way congradulations on this triumph of a comments section! Your 14 syllables have inspired an epic. I'd give you a 10 but it would be a shame to add votes to this masterpiece.

night mrs g.

Hmm.. due to a burp in the universe it would seem that a truent comment from the Grey Triplet manifested itself here. It was awful... all the red... and the words... Anyway, I think I'll join God's wife in going to bed. A different one, though, I would imagine. Boy, it's fun to immortalize the reprehensibly trivial. I'm listening to David Bowie right now. And now anyone in the whole WORLD can know that I was listening to David Bowie at 4:23 AM atlantic Canadian time on August the 21, 2002. That fact has been indeliably burnt into the digital stone tablets of human history. What Golden Years we live in.

I should HOPE a different bed, Bojangles. What would poor razorgrin do?

If you were listening to Golden Years, does that mean you were listening to the Worf Of Godlike Genius that is the album Low? Good Christ I hope so. And look, I just added to your amazing litany of lunacy. I still know nothing about Aragorn. But by jiminy I know my David Bowie.

Though I could take the easy way out and say that I was indeed listening to that fine piece of album, I must instead face grave reprehension by admitting that I was in fact listening to Golden Years on the "A Knight's Tale" soundtrack. What a fine film.
I bet Aragorn would have beaten Adamar right away; and with class to spare.